


The Boys Next Door

by ds9trekkie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Best Friends, Bisexual Dean, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Gabriel, Boys Kissing, Calthazar, Come Eating, Comfort Sex, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Addiction, Drunk Driving, Drunken Kissing, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gay Castiel, Happy Ending, Heroin, High School, Idiots in Love, Impala Sex, Kid Fic, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neighbors, Oral Sex, Overdosing, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sabriel - Freeform, Same-Sex Marriage, Slow Build, Smut, Strip Tease, Stripping, Top Dean, Top Sam, Wedding Fluff, shameless references to the authors favorite things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:06:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6498331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ds9trekkie/pseuds/ds9trekkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After over twenty years of living next to one another the Winchester's, the Novak's, and the Singer's truly grow into one big family. Their lives are forever intertwined when Sam, Dean, Cas, and Gabe all stick like glue, becoming best friends. This is the story of how they grow up, fall in love, and overcome whatever life throws at them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jumpin' The Gun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wayward_Daughter_16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Daughter_16/gifts).



> The main course is Destiel with a heavy helping of Sabriel on the side! The story is littered with shameless references to all my personal guilty pleasures. It can be really corny at times but who doesn't like a little corn? Also, I'm incapable of writing something without angst, so I'm sorry! Anyway, I had so much fun writing every second of this and I hope you all enjoy it too! By the way this fic is the MEGA COVEN of all the Supernatural tropes and I regret nothing! Some stuff has probably been done before but I guess that's inevitable in this amazingly large and fabulous fandom. I've never written an AU before but this is what comes to my mind when I think of one. So, I chose to write the first chapter from Mary's perspective for two reasons. First, I felt I couldn't do the story justice from a five year old's point of view. Second, I really love Mary and wanted a chance to express her voice. Also, "Ramble On" is my absolute favorite Zeppelin song and I melt at the idea of baby Dean singing it!! I encourage comments and love kudos of course!

Mary Winchester  
Sunday May 13th, 1984

Sometimes life can be really, really beautiful. So beautiful, that it's easy to get lost in the whirlwind of your own thoughts and memories. Certain moments tend to leave a very distinct trace, bookmarking all the different chapters and milestones throughout our short time here. Mary knows today is one of those moments, as the hum of the Impala rumbles lowly and the cool breeze outside the window rustles through her golden hair, this warm and special feeling isn't going away anytime soon.

She looks left, the sight and sound of her husband singing along to Led Zeppelin always makes her smile, falling in love with him all over again. 

"Ramble on, and now's the time, the time is now, to sing my song!" John sings loudly.

What John lacks in talent he certainly makes up for with passion, fingers drumming on the steering wheel and eyes shining brightly. He spares a glance away from the road to meet his wife's gaze, the two of them burst out into a fit of laughter, unable to reel in the happiness that has etched its way into their lives.

Anticipation building ever higher as they drive closer to their destination, Mary turns to face the back seat, seeing that both her boys are sleeping soundly. Dean is five years old now and little Sammy is just passing a year. Their peaceful faces always make her heart ache, a feeling she'll never get used to, nor ever want to. Dean's face is pressed against the window, mouth open and breath fogging up the glass, while Sam is snug in his car seat. John hits a pot hole, jolting the whole family and waking up the older brother. Mary watches as her son's eyes peek open, droopy with sleep as he rubs at them, yawning when he finally finds his mother's face. 

"Mommy? Are we there yet?" Dean asks softly, looking over at his sleeping brother.

"Not yet, pumpkin, almost," she reassures him, reaching back to wipe away a small droplet of drool that had leaked from the corner of his tiny mouth during sleep.

He smiles when he recognizes the song. John once said it's his favorite, so now naturally it's Dean's favorite too.

"Gotta find the queen of all my dreeeeams!" He draws out the last word, giggling when his father winks at him through the rear view mirror. 

Mary listens to the two of them sing the rest of the song, enjoying her very own personal rock concert. 

"Do you remember the name of the town we're moving to, Dean?" She asks him, watching as he scrunches up his face thinking hard, freckles dancing wildly on his face.

"Uh, Lawrence!" Dean answers proudly.

"That's right! Such a smart cookie," she praises him. He smiles at her words, but suddenly it changes into a frown, apparently just realizing something very important.

"Will there be pie in Lawrence? I'm scared there won't be pie," Dean confesses, looking worriedly at his mother.

She presses her lips together tightly holding back a laugh, ecstatic that this is her son's biggest concern.

"Of course there'll be pie, sweetheart," Mary soothes him, brushing the hair off his forehead, he needs a haircut soon.

"Ok, good. I want apple pie. Apple pie is my favorite. And pecan pie. Oh, and pumpkin pie!" Dean babbles enthusiastically.

Sam makes a small noise from his seat, starting to wiggle and cry. Dean snaps out of his elaborate pie fantasy and is at his brother's side in an instant.

"Hey, Sammy, it's okay," Dean says gently, placing a small kiss on the top of his head. Sam stops crying and stares up at Dean in wonder. "Mom says we're almost there!" Dean practically squeals and Sam smiles, kicking his little feet in excitement.

At least once a day Mary's heart threatens to jump straight through her chest, always while watching her boys interact like this. But today is so different, more intense than usual. She can't shake the cheesy feeling that today is the first day of the rest of her life. 

~

An hour later they are pulling up to the familiar neighborhood they've been to so many times before in the past, when visiting Uncle Bobby. The house next door to the Singer's recently became available and John jumped at the opportunity to move his family from a small two bedroom apartment in Chicago to a beautiful spacious home in the suburbs. Mary was thrilled when John told her his idea and she quickly secured a transfer to Lawrence High as an English teacher. Bobby offered John a job at his auto shop, which he gladly accepted. With both parents working there wouldn't be much time for anything else, but they would work it out, they always have.

As they park in the driveway of their new home Bobby is already stumbling out his front door walking over to them. Following closely behind is Ellen, holding a six month old Joanna Beth. Dean rockets out of the car almost as soon as it comes to a stop, running towards Uncle Bobby, arms stretched wide signaling for him to pick him up.

"Woah, easy, son!" Bobby laughs scooping the boy up into his arms. 

"Uncle Bobby! I miss you a lot," Dean says tugging on the worn out old hat that Bobby always wears.

"Good thing you're moving next door then, right?" Bobby replies, fixing his hat.

Dean nods and looks over his shoulder, noticing Ellen and the baby, "Hi, Aunt Ellen! Hi, Jo!" he shouts too loudly in Bobby's ear. 

"Hey, sugar pie," She smiles warmly at him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek when she catches up. 

"Pie!" Dean yells again in Bobby's ear.

"Kid, you keep shoutin' in my ear and nobody's gettin' any pie," Bobby teases him. 

Dean can tell he's kidding and they both laugh. He playfully ruffles Dean's hair and puts him back on the ground, while the remaining three Winchester's join them. They all exchange greetings and Ellen invites them inside for some lunch. 

Mary quickly removes the crust off of Dean's sandwich, just the way he likes it, before he has a chance to complain that 'Aunt Ellen doesn't make it right'. 

The moving truck still hasn't arrived yet so Mary decides to take Sam and Dean to meet the neighbors on the other side of their new house. 

"What did you say their names were?" Mary asks, helping Ellen clean up in the kitchen.

"Chuck and Becky Novak. And they've got two rug-rats, older one is Gabriel and the younger one is Castiel," Ellen explains.

"Castiel? What a pretty name," Mary says, saying the name over and over again in her head. 

"Yeah, I thought the same thing first time I heard it too. He's precious too, kid could be a model. Chuck is a real sweet guy, but between you and me I think that wife of his a little off," Ellen says quietly.

"What do you mean?" Mary replies, rethinking the decision to bring her children over there.

"No, nothing bad, just really eager, ya know? Like she doesn't know how to be anything but real damn excited all the time," Ellen concludes.

"Hmm," is all Mary says.

"Look, forget I said anything, it's fine! Go meet the neighbors and by the time you get back the truck will be here and I'll whip us up some dinner while the boys unload the heavy stuff," Ellen says comfortingly.

"Okay, whatever you say," Mary smiles and agrees. She picks up Sam, walks to the front door and shouts "Dean!" 

Her son is sitting in the living room listening to Bobby and John talk in detail about the Impala's engine. He perks up at the sound of her voice and runs over.

"Wanna meet our new neighbors?" She asks him.

He thinks about it for a moment, looking back at his father, apparently having an internal debate over which seems more interesting. Eventually he says "Yes!" and sits down to put his shoes back on.

~

Ten minutes later Mary stands on the front porch of the Novak household and rings the doorbell. Mere seconds pass before it cracks open and a woman pops her head out, eyeing Mary and the boys up and down. Her eyes pop wide like a cartoon character as she gasps excitedly, swinging the door all the way open.

"You must be Mary!" The woman exclaims, holding out her hand. "Sweet Ellen's told me all about you guys moving here. It's so nice to be livin' next to your friends! Like one big happy family! Well, from this day on you can treat this house as family too. I'm Becky by the way!" She blurts out quickly.

"Thank you, it's very nice to me you," Mary says politely, shaking her hand. 

The woman does come off overwhelmingly happy and eager like Ellen had warned, but Mary senses no ill intent, and decides she likes her anyway. Mary lowers her attention to the small boy hiding behind Becky's legs. He is absolutely adorable, fluffy black hair and piercing big blue eyes.

"And who's this?" Mary asks, squatting down to eye level of the child.

"Oh! This is my little angel, Castiel," Becky says gently pushing him forward. "Come on, Cas, say hi to our new friends!"

Castiel steps around his mother, becoming fully visible and Mary can tell he looks roughly about the same age as Dean. She already finds herself secretly hoping they get along well, a new friend would be an excellent way to help Dean adjust to the new life.

"Wow, your eyes are special," is the first thing Dean says to him. Mary blushes almost as hard as little Castiel does.

"Thank you. So are yours," Castiel says quietly, staring back at the Dean, then quickly shifting his focus down to the ground.

Mary and Becky look at each other in awe, and Becky mouths 'Oh, My, God' at her.

"I'm Dean, and this is my baby brother, Sammy," Dean points to the bundle in Mary's arms.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel says automatically. He steps forward to get a better look at the baby, smiling down at him he adds, "Hello, Sam."

Mary can't seem to wipe the now permanent grin off her face as she stands back up.

"This is wonderful! He never takes to new people this well! He's always so very shy, but he seems to love your boys!" Becky says in the weirdest loud whisper, eyes bulging slightly.

"He's lovely," Mary says genuinely, looking back at Castiel.

A deafening clatter from inside the house pulls the attention away from the porch. Becky looks startled and yells "Gabe?" while running towards the sound, leaving Castiel outside with Mary.

"Gabriel is my big brother, he's a troublemaker," Castiel tells Dean, and they both giggle.

"He sounds like fun!" Dean says honestly, trying to peek inside the house.

Becky is back within a couple minutes, apologizing for keeping them waiting and inviting the inside. 

"Sit! I'll fix us a little treat. Tea? Coffee? I just finished baking an apple pie," Becky rambles, scurrying around the kitchen.

Mary is about to decline, since they had just eaten lunch, but the squeal of delight that escapes her son is simply too cute to deny.

"Mom! Did you hear her? She made pie!" Dean says bouncing in his seat.

"I helped," Castiel says proudly, sitting in the chair across from Dean.

"Awesome!" Dean shouts, staring in awe at the little boy in front of him. 

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and a small slice for Dean would be perfect, thank you so much," Mary says graciously.

"My pleasure!" Becky replies placing two plates in front of Dean and Castiel.

The kids eat happily while Mary tells Becky all about the long drive here and their decision to move to Lawrence. Finally, Mary asks her about her other son, causing the other woman to smile and sigh.

"Gabriel! We have company, don't be rude!" She hollers and within seconds a small blur zooms by the table, stopping directly in front of her.

The boy has long, sandy blonde hair, appearing no more than a year older than Castiel. He is sporting a crooked, yet sweet smile and is sucking on a giant red lollipop. He is unique.

He smiles and observes the newcomers before bowing dramatically, causing Dean to giggle at the ridiculous entrance. Castiel rolls his eyes.

"Name's Gabe," he tells them, approaching Mary to get a closer look at Sam just as Castiel did beforehand. 

"I'm Dean," He replies, wiping his mouth on a napkin after taking the last bite of his pie.

"Deanooooooo!" Gabe howls and they both laugh. He turns his attention back to Sam, who has fallen asleep upon entering the house. His wild demeanor turns calm when he looks at the baby.

"What's his name?" He asks softly looking up at Mary.

"Sam," Mary replies, heart melting.

Sam opens his eyes and blinks up at the new face staring back at him. 

"Hiya, Sammy," Gabe whispers.

Sam smiles and tries to grab his lollipop, but Gabe's too quick and pulls it away.

"Sorry, but you're not old enough to lick my lollipop yet!" He says innocently and Mary and Becky fill the room with booming laughter. The kids join them, but certainly have no idea why it's funny.

They hear the front door open and close, announcing a new arrival.

"Chuck?" Becky calls and a man's voice replies with "Be right there, babe."

A short and very tired looking man enters the kitchen, face brightening when he sees his family and their guests.

"Daddy!" Castiel and Gabe yell at the same time, running to hug him from both sides.

Becky introduces everyone and he joins them for a quick cup of coffee, while the three boys end up watching cartoons on the couch in the next room.

Mary learns that Chuck is a writer, he writes mainly children's fantasy stories, and Becky is a stay-at-home mom. She offers to babysit the boys anytime Mary needs, saying it would be her pleasure. One cup of coffee turns into over an hour of chatter, thoroughly enjoying one another's company. Chuck offers to tell the kids a fast story before they leave and Mary can't say no upon seeing their excited faces.

He turns off the television and sits in his arm chair, facing the three kids huddled together on the couch. Dean sits closely to Castiel, his eyes glued on his new friend. Becky and Mary, with Sam still in her arms, sit in the empty love seat, ready for Chuck's story.

It's a very longwinded tale about Angel warriors from Heaven fighting all sorts of evil monsters. Mary, not really listening, watches Dean instead. He looks completely captivated by every word out of Chuck's mouth. She couldn't have asked for a better experience regarding their new neighbors. After the story is finished Mary insists they have to leave, wanting to get back to help unpack everything. They make plans for a playdate tomorrow afternoon and the kids jump up and down in excitement. 

"Bye, Cas! Miss ya already!" Dean shouts as Mary drags him out the front door.

"Goodbye, Dean," Cas calls back, waving from the front porch.

Mary holds her son's little hand inside her own as they walk across the lawns back to Bobby's house. Suddenly, Dean says something that makes Mary's heart want to explode for a second time that day.

"Mommy, I'm gonna marry Cas," he says unabashedly.

She holds her breath and smiles at him before asking "Don't you think you're jumpin' the gun a little, honey? Why do you wanna marry Castiel?"

"Because his eyes are magic and he makes really good pie." 

The statement is so beautiful and innocent that she can't come up with one single reason to disagree with her son.


	2. Fireworks and Big Dreams

Dean Winchester  
Age 11

It's so friggn' hot. That's all Dean keeps repeating in his head. He's laying on his back in his bed, wearing nothing but an old pair of gym shorts, while staring blankly at the ceiling. Nobody he knows owns a pool except those mean girls across the street, Meg and Ruby, and he'll be damned if he's gonna go grovel to them. Meg is about Dean's age and Ruby is her younger sister, and _boy_ does Dean really dislike them. Ruby continually teases and calls Sam names, while Meg is always creepy around Cas. Whatever. Douchebags. He laughs to himself as he imagines his mother's reaction to him actually calling them that word out loud.

The door swings open and Dean turns his head to see Sam skulking over to his bed. He's only wearing swim trunks and the mop of hair on his head is soaked through with sweat. He lays on the bed next to Dean and let's out an annoyed huff.

"Dean, I'm hot," he complains.

"Join the friggin' club," Dean whines.

"Maybe we could-" Sam starts to suggest but Dean cuts him off.

"Dude, no! That pool isn't worth their smug faces!" Dean says stubbornly.

"What if we just made like a deal or something," Sam tries but Dean shakes his head.

"Sammy, we don't make deals with people like them," Dean tells him, the thought alone sending a shiver up his spine.

"Deeeeeeean!" Sam almost cries.

"Look, why don't we go see what Cas and Gabe are up to. Maybe they've got a plan to cool off," Dean says pushing Sam off the bed.

He just rolls limp and tumbles to the floor dramatically. "It should be illegal for mom and dad not to have AC in the house," Sam mumbles into the carpet.

"C'mon, Samantha, or I'm going without you," Dean snorts heading for the door, grabbing a t-shirt off his dresser and throwing it over his sticky body. 

Sam drags himself up off the floor and together they make their way downstairs. They find Mary in the kitchen cooking up a storm, trays of appetizers and bowls of snacks covering every flat surface in the room. 

"Mom? What's all this?" Dean says, grabbing a handful of potato chips and shoving them into his face. Sam reaches for a carrot stick and dunks it in the ranch sauce. 

"Party tonight!" She says happily, working on a delicious looking macaroni salad. 

"Party? What party?" Sam says excitedly, grabbing another carrot.

"It's Fourth of July, did you boys seriously forget?" She says turning her attention towards them and wiping the sweat off her brow.

_Right, the party! How could he forget?_

Dean thinks to himself as he sneakily tries to score a freshly baked brownie.

Dean's hand stops dead, wondering if he'll be allowed to proceed or if he is about to be yelled at, now realizing that their mother is fully looking at the two of them. Sam is on his third carrot. 

"Dean! Not 'til later!" She shouts and his hand retracts immediately. 

"I was just hungry!" Dean lies, having eaten a full breakfast not even an hour ago. 

"Would you like a carrot stick?" Mary tests him as Sam starts snickering.

"No, I don't eat rabbit food," Dean says, more to annoy his brother than actually answer his mother's question.

"Well, then I guess you aren't very hungry," Mary concludes, settling the situation and turning back to her macaroni salad. Sam sticks out his tongue and takes off before Dean has a chance to retaliate.

"Mom can we go next door?" Dean asks, hoping she's not too annoyed about the brownie to allow him his freedom.

"Of course, why don't you bring the boys back here to help set up outside? Your father could use some help," Mary says and Dean doesn't dare oppose her.

"Okay," he answers quickly and turns to leave, but stops when he catches his mother's exhausted face. He doubles back and decides to give her a hug. 

"Oh, Dean," she whispers, putting the cooking utensils down and hugging him back.

"Thanks for doing all this. Party's gonna be awesome," he says, pulling back and looking at her face again. Her eyes look watery like she might cry and Dean hopes she doesn't. He hates it when she cries. She kisses his cheek and cards her fingers through his hair before clearing her throat and saying, "Go! Have fun, but be back soon."

He smiles and leaves her embrace, calling for Sam to join him.

~

Long gone are the days of knocking before entering each other's homes, the two families comfortable enough to trust and share with one another openly. Dean challenges Sam to race to the Novak's porch, secretly letting him win at the last minute. He always loves Sam's victory dance. They both pant and catch their breath before Dean opens the front door.

They enter the foyer and directly to the right is the living room where they can hear Castiel practicing on his harp. Dean thinks it's such a fascinating instrument, nobody else in their whole school plays the harp, just Castiel. Dean remembers hearing him beg his parents relentlessly to buy him one a couple years back, promising to practice everyday, and he did just that. The day Uncle Chuck and Aunt Becky surprised him with it is something that Dean will never forget. He and Castiel had come home from school, planning on eating a quick snack and watching some TV before their parents started nagging them about homework, and there it was. In the middle of the living room stood a beautiful chestnut colored harp, made perfect for Castiel's body size. His eyes lit up, making them the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen, although he would never admit that out loud. He remembers never wanting that specific smile to leave Castiel's face and wondering what it would feel like to be the person who put it there.

Dean and Castiel became very close over the years, both confessing to be each other's best friend, and hanging out nearly everyday. Dean can't really remember a time when this boy wasn't part of his life. As time goes on, Dean realizes that Castiel's happiness and well-being become more important with each passing day, a task that he gladly accepts. Gabe is awesome too, he always makes things interesting and memorable, but it isn't the same profound bond that Dean and Cas share. 

Sam and Gabe are oil and water, yet somehow absolutely perfect for each other even despite their age difference. They disagree on almost everything: food, music, games, anything really. But the one thing that saves their relationship is Gabe's ability to make Sammy laugh. He practically puts on a show everyday for the little guy and Sam just eats it up. Dean knows that no matter how much Gabe pranks, tricks, or teases Sam he will always have his back and protect him. 

Currently, Cas is seated in front of his harp with a look of pure concentration on his face, playing a truly beautiful melody. Dean usually enjoys watching him, but today it's just too damn hot out.

"Hey, Cas," Dean says plopping down on the couch. Sam follows his brother's lead and sits next to him.

"Hello, Dean. Sam," he says coming out of the musical trance he'd been lost in. 

"It's sooooo hot out," Sam complains for the thousandth time.

"We could use the sprinklers and hose to cool off," Cas suggests. Dean is proud of his friend that he didn't even consider Meg and Ruby's pool.

"Yeah, I guess that's the best we're gonna get," Dean says, too hot and tired to actually move yet.

"You're a grand old flag, you're a high flying flag! And forever in peace may you wave!" Gabe sings horribly, announcing his presence at the top of the staircase. Dean can't believe his eyes. Gabe is actually wearing a full on Uncle Sam suit and waving an American flag.

"Dude, no way," Dean gapes at him and then turns to Cas, the palm of his hand now covering his face while he shakes his head.

"Please, Gabriel, not again," Cas sighs, removing his hand and looking to Dean, a silent plea for help.

Gabe begins marching down the stairs, the whole thing looks extremely planned out, like he _has_ been practicing an awful lot. Meanwhile, Sam is cracking up, like rolling off the couch and holding his stomach cracking up. 

"He's been doing this for three days. He used his allowance money to buy that ridiculous outfit and has not stopped screeching since. I can't take it anymore," Cas bitches, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Gabe, what are you doing? Also, how the Hell are you wearing that suit? It's literally a billion degrees out today, incase you didn't notice. And you are _so_ not wearing that to my party later!" Dean laughs now, unable to control himself, despite Cas' anger.

"Every heart beats true 'neath the Red, White and Blue!" He ignores Dean and continues making his way entirely down the stairs and into the living room. He approaches Sam, proceeding to finish the rest of the song, the youngest Winchester thoroughly enjoying the free show. Cas doesn't wait for it to be over, instead he grabs Dean by the elbow and pulls him outside into the back yard. They faintly hear Becky's voice from inside the house finally scream for Gabe to keep it down, she too is apparently not feeling very patriotic.

"Ugh! He can be such a pest!" Cas says angrily, sitting on the lawn, playing with a particularly long blade of grass.

"Dude, your house is so awesome," Dean blurts out, laughing again.

"Why?" Cas asks, blue eyes capturing the green.

"Because that was hilarious and ridiculous! I know you're sick of it but c'mon you gotta admit, it was probably funny the first time. Stuff like that's always happening here and I love it," Dean says, sitting right next to him. After a moment of no reply, he adds, "Plus, your house has you, and you're pretty awesome so..." Dean trails off, scratching the back of his sweaty neck.

Cas responds with a small smile and, "Thank you, Dean."

A bumblebee is buzzing loudly near Cas' face and Dean is about to swat it away when Cas holds out his hand, the little critter landing there softly. Cas isn't afraid and it doesn't sting him, he simply looks at the creature with a relaxed expression. Dean finds himself simply watching, Cas' unique behavior always intrigues him.

"So, Mom wants you guys to come over early to help set up for tonight," Dean explains, blushing slightly and wanting to break the silence. He picks up where Castiel left off with his assault on the blade of grass.

"Okay, sounds good to me. No chance of any more Uncle Sam outbursts," Cas replies sassily and then looks up at Dean. Upon eye contact they both lose it, laughing so hard they have tears leaking from their eyes. The tiny bee flies away at the sound of their thundering voices.

Next thing they know cool water is dousing them from behind, scaring them and making them hop to their feet immediately. Gabe, now in his bathing suit, is in total control of the hose, spraying them wildly. Sammy is standing next to him like a tiny partner in crime, laughing at Dean and Cas' reactions to the water. It feels so refreshing that there was simply no possible way to be annoyed at them for the surprise attack.

"Go get 'em, kiddo!" Gabe shouts, handing the hose off to Sam so he can go turn on the sprinklers. 

The four of them jump, and splash, and play in the water, while the fresh scent of summer and a pure feeling of unbreakable friendship surrounds them like a protective bubble.

~

The sun is beginning it's descent and the party has been a great success so far. There are around twenty adults, all friends from their parents jobs and a couple of other friendly neighbors, the only other kid present is Jo. She isn't like any other girls Dean knows from school, she's super cool and fits in really well with the four of them. Jo never minds playing in the dirt or making a mess and Dean considers her to be like his little sister.

John and Bobby barbecue enough food to feed an entire country, and that isn't even including Mary's feast plus all the contributions from their guests. Dean's never eaten so much in his entire life, stuffing himself to the brim. However, he makes sure to save room for one last thing. He wants the damn brownie he was so wrongfully denied earlier that afternoon. 

He takes one of the glorious brownies off the plate and forces it down, enjoying it thoroughly, even if it means he might puke later.

"You're disgusting, Dean," Sam shakes his head as he says it.

"You're just jealous because you don't enjoy the good food in life," Dean says with his mouth full.

"Whatever, just don't vomit on me!" Sam warns with a light laugh.

"I wish it would get dark out already so we can light up the fireworks!" Gabe whines, eating a bag of pop rocks.

"Why don't we play a game to pass the time?" Cas says, scratching a mosquito bite on his arm.

"Manhunt!" Sam and Jo shriek at the same time.

It wasn't quite dark enough yet for manhunt either, but by the time they play a few warm up rounds it definitely would be. They divide up the teams: Dean and Gabe against Cas, Jo, and Sam. 

They play for about a half an hour, sun fully set now, when it's Dean and Gabe's turn to be the hunters again. Dean always likes hunting better than hiding, able to find his targets quickly and efficiently. 

Dean spots movement near one of the bushes, making his approach slow and calculated. Finally, he runs for it, hoping to tag the person hiding there. In the darkness and confusion the hider runs the wrong way and slams directly into Dean. They grab on to one another, trying to stabilize themselves, but fail miserably and tumble through the bush, landing in a tangled heap. Cas is flat on top of him, groaning in pain, slowly lifting his head to locate Dean's face.

"Dude! Are you okay?" Dean asks immediately, holding back any laughter until he knows his friend is alright.

"Yes, Dean, I am uninjured. Are you hurt?" Cas says, his voice worried.

"Yeah, I'm good. But you've got half that bush stuck in your hair!" Dean laughs, reaching up to pick out the leaves and bramble. 

After a moment or two of Dean fussing over his hair, Cas says, "We should probably stand up."

"Oh, right," Dean says embarrassedly, thinking about how their current situation might appear.

Cas slides off him and stands up first, sticking out his hand to help Dean get up. Gabe comes running over panting, "Good job, Deano, you got him! Don't worry, I got the other two covered." A defeated looking Sam and Jo trail not far behind him.

"Kids? Fireworks startin' soon! C'mon!" They hear Uncle Bobby's voice roar from the back yard. They had ended up all the way in the front while playing the game.

"YES!" Gabe squeals, zipping past them before the others even have time to fully react. 

They rejoin the party and hear John, Bobby, and Chuck squabbling over how to light the fireworks properly, leaving the kids waiting longer than expected. Jo says she needs to use the bathroom and disappears inside the house. 

The four of them end up lying on the grass in a circle with their heads at the center, the easiest way to hear each other talk. They all stare expectantly at the night sky, waiting for the show.

"What do you guys wanna be when you grow up?" Sam blurts out. They've definitely had this conversation before, but Sam always loves bringing it back up. Their answers always change. 

"And no silly answers this time!" Sam adds quickly. "I need ta know for reeeeal."

Gabe answers first with, "I wanna run my own bakery! Fill it with loads of different kinds of cakes and candy. Mom's been showing me how to make different stuff and I'm gettin' pretty good at it."

Dean thinks about it, and it sounds like an awesome idea. "We'll all eat for free right?" Dean says, grinning.

"No can do! A man's gotta make a profit somehow, and you, Deano, will probably be my number one customer!" He teases, while Sam and Cas murmur in agreement.

"Very funny guys. What about you, Cas, what do you wanna be?" Dean replies, still smiling.

"Um, I don't know. I like numbers and math, so maybe I could be an accountant or something," he answers, unsure of himself.

"That'd be sweet! I can see it now, my little bro gettin' us all big fat tax refunds," Gabe says excitedly.

"What's a tax refund?" Sam asks.

"It's like a reward for working so hard all year from your job. And the better accountant you have the more money you get back," Gabe explains.

Cas laughs and says "Well, not exactly, but close enough. Dean, what about you?"

"I really love cars. Like classic ones like the Impala. I wanna fix 'em up and maybe even build ones from scratch. It'd be pretty cool to have my own shop one day," Dean says dreamily.

"I bet you'd be perfect at it," Cas says quietly, filling Dean's chest with warmth and appreciation.

"Okay, Sammy, your turn!" Gabe says finally.

"I'm gonna be a lawyer," he says determinedly.

"You _are_ really good at arguing, so I guess that'll work in your favor," Dean says jokingly.

They all laugh, laying there very contently when the first firework shoots off into the night sky in a blaze of glory. It's so loud and colorful and absolutely mesmerizing. Gabe, unable to control himself, scrambles up and runs to go help their dads, needing to be part of the action.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Sammy yells, following him like an excited puppy.

Now that they are alone, Cas scoots over to Dean, their shoulders right next to each other as they watch the sky light up. Sometimes there's no need for verbal communication between them, only requiring one another's company and closeness. It's so easy being best friends with Cas, and Dean feels lucky to have him. Cas' finger twitches and brushes against Dean's hand, revealing just how close they are pressed. Without thinking, Dean snakes his fingers around Cas' own, threading them together completely. They lock perfectly, and it feels nice. Cas turns his head to face Dean and gives their hands a quick squeeze. Dean peels his focus away from the fireworks and finds his friend's eyes. As they stare at one another, something they did pretty often, Dean thinks in his head for the first time 'I need you'. The thought freaks him out a little, but he smiles back at Cas and squeezes his hand in return. He resumes watching the festivities above them, that dopey smile not going away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously have a thing about fireworks, and Fourth of July in general. It's always been my favorite part of summer! I also have a crazy fascination with harps, they're the most beautiful instrument in my opinion!


	3. It's a Wonderful Life

Dean Winchester  
Age 14

For as long as Dean can remember, the Novaks go away for Christmas vacation. It sucks. As soon as they get out of school they would take a late flight to New York and visit Chuck's brother Zach, staying there for the entire week. Just once Dean wishes he could spend Christmas with his best friend, the only thing they've ever been denied doing together. This year Dean gets his wish, Cas' extended family is coming to Kansas, trying out a new tradition. 

Cas has mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand, he's happy to finally participate in a Winchester filled Christmas. But on the other, he's dreading the house being invaded by his other family. Every year he comes back with new horror stories for Dean about what truly awful people they are, telling him all the different ways they're rude and stuck up. When Dean asks Cas why they even bother going back each year, he reveals that it was his grandfather's dying wish that Chuck and Zach get along and put aside their differences. So each year they try, and each year it gets worse.

Dean can't stand them on principle. These are the assholes behind all of Cas' miserable Christmases. Dean promises Cas that this year is gonna be awesome, and not to worry about it too much.

His family arrives on the twenty-second, barging in like a snobby hurricane and filling up every last space in the house. The culprits include Uncle Zach and Aunt Naomi, along with their children: Michael, Luke, Ralph, and Anna. Becky's behavior is out of control, she looks severely stressed and is acting more crazy than usual, clearly unhappy about Chuck's idea to bring them all here this year. Chuck realizes that the only way he knows how to cope with all this is by staying a low level of permanent drunk. 

In other words, Cas' house is an absolute war zone right now, so Dean asks if Cas and Gabe can sleep at their house for the next few nights, which Mary and John are totally fine with. The plan is Novak's for Christmas Eve and Winchester's for Christmas Day. The two days leading up to it pass extremely quickly, most of their time spent wrapping presents, decorating the trees, and helping with the cooking.

It's now Christmas Eve and the four of them are back at the Novak household, after Becky had called screaming earlier that morning for Cas and Gabe to come home, calling her boys rude for avoiding their family. Although it's still early, Sam and Dean offer to go with them to do damage control and rescue them if things get too terrible. Luckily, the New York Novaks all decided to step out of the house, borrowing Chuck's van to do some last minute shopping.

Sam is helping Gabe bake an army of Christmas cookies in the kitchen, filling the house with a heavenly aroma, while Dean watches Cas practice his harp. He hasn't had much time to play lately and immediately jumped at what might be the only opportunity for a while.

Dean is laying on the couch, observing Cas' skilled fingers pluck at the strings, amazed by his ability to create such beautiful sounds. Dean just now notices what a hideous Christmas sweater Cas is wearing, wondering how the Hell he's able to pull that thing off. Dean brought a book with him, but he's just not interested in reading it right now, so he continues to listen to Cas' music.

"Hey, Cas, have you ever written anything yourself? Or do you only play the sheet music?" Dean asks, the thought just popping into his brain.

"Yes, I write stuff. Well, only one thing really," Cas answers, cheeks reddening.

"Can I hear it?" Dean says, perking up and resting his body weight on his elbow.

"Uh, no, I don't think I'm ready to play it well enough yet," Cas says nervously.

"C'mon! It's just me! I wanna hear something you haven't played a million times before. Besides, it's Christmas! Please!" Dean begs, flashing his most charming smile at his friend.

Cas gives Dean a very intense look, eyes exposing the massive amount of trust he shares with the other boy. "Okay," is all he says and clears his throat, preparing himself.

Cas begins playing again, except this time it's so incredibly different than any other time Dean's listened to him. Dean has every one of Cas' usual practice songs saved in his memory, humming along to them in his head whenever he plays. So, hearing this melody is so refreshing that it actually gives Dean goosebumps. Even Cas' body language is different with this song. The way his back arches and head sways, makes Dean realize just how passionate Cas is about this. All of his emotions seem to flow perfectly through the notes, creeping up inside Dean's heart, making it feel significantly heavier than before. Dean can feel fucking tears welling behind his eyes and he desperately tries to hold them back, not wanting to look like a sap. But it's too late, Cas shifts his eyes to lock with Dean's and he feels a single tear slip out. The whole thing is simply too much and Dean's tough guy composure momentarily fails. Cas finishes up and Dean wipes away the damn tear, feeling grateful that Cas doesn't say anything about it.

"So, you liked it?" Cas asks, smiling hopefully.

"Cas...that was...perfect. I love it," Dean says, sitting up and returning his smile. 

"Good, because I actually wrote it for you," Cas admits, blushing redder than before.

Dean's stomach does a back flip. Cas wrote this song for _him?_ Dean can't remember receiving a more personal and amazing gift in his entire life. He almost fucking cries all over again.

"Shit, Cas, thank you," he comes up with, wishing he knew how to express more. "Does it have a name?"

Cas' smile fades and he looks away, "No, I, uh, can't think of anything," he says, but Dean can tell he's lying. Dean lets it go, already having pressured him into playing the song for him was enough for now, but one day he would make sure to find out the name of his beautiful song.

~

Sam, Dean, Cas and Gabe help finish clearing the table after a delicious Christmas Eve dinner, planning on spending some time in the snow. Avoiding anymore dry and condescending conversations with Cas' relatives is definitely a bonus point for going outside. Anna isn't that bad, she's still young and therefore not yet fully corrupted, but Dean decides the rest of them are unsalvageable. They're all just a bunch of control freaks fighting for control. Dean can't understand how Cas is even related to these dicks. 

They enter the back yard, a thick layer of snow covering the grass and patio. Gabe is first to dive in, grabbing a handful of wet snow and hurling toward them. It hits Sammy square in the chest and he actually falls backwards. 

"Oh, that's it! You're on!" Sam challenges him, getting up and gathering his own snow arsenal.

Dean and Cas join the fight, there's no rules, just hurl as much as you can at each other. It went unspoken, but after a while, the three of them just gang up on Gabe, subconsciously taking all their frustrations out for every time he's screwed with them.

Dean's face is flushed and despite the cold air, he feels hot. After Gabe finally surrenders to their unrelenting attack, they all collapse onto their backs, sinking into the big snowy blanket. 

"Let's make snow angels," Sam says, still catching his breath from the fight.

Dean laughs at himself for participating in such a juvenile activity, but enjoys it all the same. They repeatedly open and close their legs, competing to make the best looking angel. When they stand up and turn to face their masterpieces, they all crack up.

"Dude, what even is that?" Dean says, pointing at the misshapen blob Gabe made.

"It's better than the pathetic excuse for your angel's dress! Did you even try to spread those bow legs of yours, Deano?" Gabe quips back with a wink.

"It's not a dress, Gabe, angels wear robes!" Sam corrects him, staring proudly at the tiny shape he produced.

"I wonder why angels are typically depicted wearing robes in the first place," Cas wonders aloud, his own snow angel the clear winner.

"Alright, Cassie you win, let's go back inside. I want me some hot cocoa and cookies," Gabe says, leading the way.

"Can I have some tea?" Sam asks and Gabe replies, "Sure, kiddo, anything you want." 

Dean starts to follow them inside when a hand on his should stops him.

"Dean," Cas says, in a serious tone. Recently, Dean has been noticing how much deeper his voice is becoming.

"What's up?" Dean replies, glancing down to his friend's hand and back up to meet his eyes. Cas' cheeks are pink with cold against his pale skin and for some reason Dean likes the way it looks on him.

"Thank you, for everything. This Christmas has been my favorite by far and it's all because of you. Our friendship means a great deal to me," Cas confesses, lowering his arm away from Dean's body.

Sometimes Cas would get all mushy like this and Dean would do his best to lighten the mood, keeping things from getting too chick-flicky. It scared Dean how easily Cas could tear down his mask, able to see past the macho bravado and straight into his soul, turning him into an emotional little girl.

"I didn't really do much, Cas, plus I've been wanting to spend Christmas with you for like forever. So, yeah, I guess this year's my favorite too," Dean says, maintaining eye contact as he watches a small smile spreads across Cas' face. 

"C'mon, it's still early. Let's go back to my place in a little bit and watch a movie," Dean suggests, swinging his arm around Cas' neck and dragging him inside for Christmas dessert.

Cas replies softly with, "I'd like that." 

~

About an hour later, Gabe decides to stay home and bake his fortieth batch of cookies, despite it being past eleven at night and Becky having cried about already cleaning the kitchen. Mary wants Sam home for bed, so they say their goodbyes and head back to the Winchester house, with Cas in tow. 

Sam complains about not being tired yet, wanting to watch the movie with Dean and Cas, but Mary insists on bedtime. 

"Sammy, the sooner you go to bed, the sooner you can wake up and open presents," Dean attempts to help his mother win the battle.

"Then why don't you and Cas go to bed!" Sam pouts.

"Touché," Dean says, giving his mom a defeated smile and retreating into the living room.

Cas is already on the couch, buried under the hand woven blanket made by Dean's grandmother. Dean slides under next to him, grabbing the remote to play the movie. They can still hear Sam and Mary bickering all the way from upstairs.

"You don't have to pretend anymore, Mom, I know Santa's not real! I'm just not tired!" Sam whines and Dean can't help but laugh at his tantrum.

"You know, you really shouldn't be laughing at him, Dean," Cas says, smiling regardlessly. "You did ruin Santa Claus for him," he adds.

"I know, I know, I'm a jerk. But he's such a little bitch sometimes," Dean says, with a sigh.

"He was seven!" Cas says in Sam's defense. 

Dean flashes Cas his best toothy grin, knowing that this kind of smile always makes Cas forget why he's annoyed with him, using it to his advantage pretty often.

"It's a Wonderful Life? Never saw it. Dude, it looks kinda old," Dean says, changing the subject and reading the back of the DVD box.

"It's a classic, Dean. And my favorite," Cas says, taking the remote from Dean to press play himself.

Dean laughs and says, "Okay, I'm sure it's awesome." He brings the blanket up to his neck so that only his head is visible and leans his body weight against the arm of the couch.

Before Cas can actually push play, a victorious Mary enters the room, carrying a plate of chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk. John, yawning loudly, appears and follows her to the fireplace. Mary adores Christmas, and although none of the kids actually believe anymore, she continues all the traditions just the same.

"I'm definitely eating those the second you guys leave," Dean says, watching the cookies move across the room.

"Eat them at your own risk! I wouldn't want to be on Santa's naughty list," she says, turning to hug John and stare at the boys on the couch.

"Don't worry, I'll watch over him," Cas says sarcastically, smiling at Mary.

"Thank you, sweetie," she says, laughing a little. Still in John's arms, she becomes infected by his yawn and succumbs to one herself. 

"Are you sure you boys wanna start a movie right now? It's almost midnight," John says, placing a kiss on his wife's forehead before releasing her.

"Yeah, we're good, Dad. Not tired at all," Dean replies, looking between Cas and his father.

"Okay, well, Merry Christmas you two. See ya in the morning," John says, fixing an ornament on the tree as he walks out of the room. He extends a hand out to Mary, signaling her to join him, and she says, "No peeking at the presents!" before clasping their hands together and leaving with him. 

"Merry Christmas!" he and Cas call to them in unison.

"Jinx!" Dean shouts and Cas rolls his eyes playfully.

"I am not buying you another soda," he teases, leaning down to pick the remote up off the floor, apparently it had fallen at some point.

"How about I settle for you grabbin' me those cookies and milk?" Dean says, flashing the same big smile as before.

"One day that smile isn't gonna work anymore, Winchester," Cas says, voice full of sass, as he gets up off the couch and brings over Santa's peace offering.

"Somehow I doubt that," Dean replies, eating half a cookie in one bite.

Cas smiles and shakes his head, tucking himself back under the blanket. "Can we start this thing now?" Cas almost whines at him.

"Hell yeah!" Dean says, enthusiastically and then chugs the glass of milk down in one gulp.

Cas pushes play and the movie begins to play. They watch as the angels decide to send Clarence down from Heaven to save George Bailey and Dean ends up enjoying it more than he thought he would.

The part about them not being tired is revealed to be a lie, because about half way through the movie Dean and Cas both fall asleep. When Dean awakes, he blinks groggily and glances around the room. He finds that the movie has ended and the fire keeping them warm has burned out. Cas stirs when he feels Dean moving his legs, trying to get more comfortable.

"Deeeean, it's freezing," he moans, opening his eyes and searching for Dean in the semi dark room.

"C'mere," Dean grunts out, changing positions so his back is resting fully against the arm of the couch, his legs fully extended in front of him. He isn't really awake enough to realize what he's suggesting, but he doesn't care, Cas is cold and Dean's not gonna let him freeze.

Cas crawls over to him, managing to stay under the blanket the whole time, he presses his back against Dean's chest. He settles there and his body goes limp, already drifting off to sleep again. Dean wraps his arms around him, it was more comfortable this way, plus it would add more warmth. Once Dean's arms are coiled around him, Cas tenses up, suddenly waking up at the embrace.

"I have to leave. I can't stay here again, my mom will flip. It's already so late and-" Cas whispers hurriedly, attempting to get up, but Dean holds him tight and cuts him off.

"Shh, stay with me tonight. Don't want you to go. Please, Cas, don't leave me," Dean whispers into Cas' ear, barely aware the things coming out of his mouth. 

He feels the tension leave Cas' body as he allows himself to be held. Dean takes a satisfied and deep breath, his nose only inches from Cas's hair. Gabe had baked so many batches of cookies earlier that day that Cas' hair actually smells like them. Dean smiles and closes his eyes, consciousness beginning to slip away again until he hears Cas say, "I will never leave you, Dean." 

Dean melts at these words, but can't help wonder in the back of his mind if this is crossing a line, too intimate for friends. 

"Hey, does Clarence get his wings? At the end of the movie, I wanna know what happens," he asks, the thought just occurring to him.

"Yes. And he convinces George of how important he is, how he deserves to be saved," Cas replies, using his last bit of waking strength to take hold of Dean's hand.

"Must be pretty badass to have a guardian angel like that..." Dean grumbles.

"Merry Christmas, Dean."

"Merry Christmas, Cas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inspiration behind Cas' song was an instrumental version of "God Damn You're Beautiful" by Chester See that I once heard played on the harp. So, I feel like it would sound something similar to that. Guh.


	4. Don't Call Me Cas

Dean Winchester  
Age 16

 

Tenth grade is going surprisingly well so far, much better than ninth, that's for sure. Dean is on the football team, he has a girlfriend, and his grades aren't horrible. Dean is dating Cassie Robinson, a pretty girl with perky tits who runs the year book club. However, it's Saturday night and Dean is hanging out with his little brother in his best friend's bedroom. Some things never change. Sam is at the desk, scribbling away at his English essay while Cas lays on the bed, reading his history textbook. Dean is on the floor, his back pressing against Cas' dresser, playing with a piece of fuzz from the carpet. 

"I'm bored," Dean says, like a five year old.

Sam ignores him, scratching his pencil on the paper like a fiend, but Cas lowers his book and says, "Where's your new girlfriend?"

"She's busy tonight. Said something about going to her grandma's house," Dean says, throwing the fuzz away.

"On Saturday night?" Cas snorts, going back to his book.

Sam comes out of his stupor, he looks up at Dean with a confused expression. "Yeah, dude, that is really weird. Are you sure she's not already cheat-" 

"Look, I don't know! I wasn't really listening to her," Dean admits, grabbing the fuzz again.

"Oh, that's great. Who needs communication in a relationship anyway?" Cas says sarcastically.

Sam laughs and adds, "Wait, relationships aren't all about boobs?" 

"You guys suck, ya know that?" Dean bitches, mashing the fuzz violently back into the carpet.

"I'm gonna get a glass of water, you guys want anything?" Sam announces, heading toward the door.

Dean and Cas both decline the offer and Sam exits the room. He's gone less than thirty seconds before he comes running back and slamming the door behind him. 

"What's wrong?" Cas says immediately, sitting up and closing the textbook. 

"I'm scarred for life," Sam replies, slowly walking back to the desk chair and plopping down.

"Sammy, what the hell?" Dean says urgently.

"Gabe," is all he says.

Cas groans in annoyance and slides off the bed, "What now?"

"Wait, Cas, don't go out there!" Sam squeaks, standing back up to block his path.

"Sam, if you do not tell us what's goin' on out there I swear to God-" Dean says, frustratedly.

"Okay! Okay. He's got a girl out there and...they're doin' it on the stairs!" He spits out that last part really fast, closing his eyes and sitting back down.

The room becomes very silent and Cas looks absolutely livid. Now that they are being totally quiet, Dean _does_ hear distant moaning and creaking sounds. This is so typical Gabriel, and if it weren't for the fact that he'd just traumatized his little brother, Dean would have been laughing and congratulating him afterwards. It's also a good thing that Chuck and Becky are out to dinner, because Dean can only imagine the shit show that would have erupted if they'd caught him instead of Sam.

Cas storms out of the bedroom and marches down the hallway out of sight.

"GABRIEL! Can you please have some goddamn dignity? What are you an animal? Mom and Dad could come home at any minute, not to mention that Sam might be scarred for life now!" Cas yells, the sound of it booming throughout the entire house. Although Cas may look sweet and nerdy, his voice is commanding and intimidating. Dean gets chills just listening to the power behind it. 

"Sorry, how rude of me! Cas, I'd like you to meet Kali! My beautiful new girlfriend. C'mon, princess, say hi to my baby bro!" Gabe giggles.

"Gabriel, get rid of him!" Kali says, out of breath and annoyed.

"Ugh! At least move this to your bedroom so we can leave!" Cas screams, his footsteps becoming louder, signaling his return. 

Just before Cas can shut the door, they see Gabe pass by, carrying a half naked Kali in this arms. "Sorry, Sammy, try not to get too excited!" He shouts and both bedroom doors slam shut at the same time.

"Let's get out of here, please," Cas says, looking at Dean with fire behind his eyes.

The three of them head over to the safety of Sam and Dean's living room for the remainder of the evening. They play a game of monopoly, in which Sam destroys them in record timing. Overall, it's a pretty fucked up yet entertaining Saturday night, and Dean wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

~

Monday rolls around and Dean is sitting in his biology lab, staring at the clock, hypnotized as the seconds hand ticks rhythmically. Cas is next to him, conducting the entire experiment by himself, when Dean realizes he hasn't helped at all yet.

Dean starts preparing a new slide to put under the microscope when Cas says, "Sam is being bullied."

Dean drops the glass rectangle and it shatters on the table. "What?" Dean says, facing Cas and not bothering to clean up the mess.

"He came to me. Told me Ruby and her gang were making his life difficult," Cas explains, grabbing Dean's hand to clean and dress the cut he didn't even know he had. 

"Why didn't he come to me? I'm supposed to protect him!" Dean says, voice full of hurt. Cas walks to the front of the classroom and takes a bandaid out of the first aid kit on the wall. When he returns he wraps it around Dean's finger and says, "He thought you would flip out and do something rash. He's right, isn't he?" 

Dean half expects Cas to give his finger a kiss when he finishes bandaging it, their behavior must look so weird to outsiders. Whatever. 

"No! I don't know! Maybe," Dean struggles to find an answer and Cas gives him a knowing glance. "Well, what are we gonna do about it?" He comes up with.

"I'm not sure yet, but resorting to violence only brings us down to their level," Cas says logically. 

"I wouldn't mind giving Ruby a piece of my mind. She's been trouble for years!" Dean says, feeling heat prickle up the back of his neck, getting angry at just the thought.

"Dean, we have to handle this carefully or we could end up making things worse for Sam. Hand me that plant cell sample," Cas requests, and Dean hands it to him.

"Well, we better think of something fast, otherwise it's clobberin' time," Dean says, barely able to get the words out without laughing like an idiot.

"You're unbelievable," Cas replies, laughing with him, as he leans down to look through the microscope.

A couple hours later Dean and Cas head toward the cafeteria for lunch, brainstorming ideas. They grab a table and unpack their food, watching the entrance for Sam. He shares the same lunch period and usually sits with them, due to most of his friends being assigned to a later session.

Cassie walks in, Dean forgot that she recently switched periods to be with him. He stands up and calls her over.

"Hi!" she says excitedly, kissing Dean on the lips. Castiel looks away, becoming very interested in his roast beef sandwich. 

"Hey, you," Dean says awkwardly, but smooths it over with one of his charming Winchester smiles. Cassie sits next to him, eagerly holding his hand as if he might disappear.

"Oh, hey, Castiel," she says, her voice sour.

"Cassie," he replies, opening his math notebook.

Dean feels a weird tension between them and doesn't understand why. Apparently, they don't like each other much. He makes a mental note to ask Cas about it later.

Dean notices Meg, Ruby, and their friend Lilly cut the lunch line and then head to their usual table in the back corner. Next moment, Sam and Gabe are entering the cafeteria, heading straight towards the girls. Dean just got a very bad feeling about this. 

They see Gabe talking animatedly to them, but can't hear what he's saying. Dean stands up and wiggles his hand free from Cassie.

"Dean!" Castiel and Cassie say at the same time. They scowl at each other, but Dean doesn't have time for this, Sam needs him.

Before Dean can reach them Gabe takes their lunch trays and flips them over spilling the contents all over the three girls. He proceeds to jump up onto the table, rip off his shirt, and scream "FOOD FIGHT!" Sam is looking up at him with fucking stars in his eyes. 

After that it's absolute chaos. Kids are shouting and throwing food at each other like a Pavlovian switch went off inside their heads. Dean is dodging like a pro, determined to get to his little brother out of the line of fire. He knows Cas is right behind him without even looking, he can just sense it, knowing that Cas wouldn't let him do this alone. 

"Dean!" Sam yells, when he sees him. He's laughing as he grabs a piece of pizza, flinging it at Ruby and hitting her directly in the head as she runs away. It really does look satisfying. Unable to control himself, he shakes a bottle of soda and opens it, aiming it towards Meg, who slips, bringing down Lilly with her. 

"You fucking assholes!" Meg screams, scrambling in the soda puddle.

Gabe is still on top of the table, leading the assault and throwing pretzels like ninja stars. Cas ends up hurling chicken nuggets at anyone who tries to come near them, smiling that goofy smile that make the sides of his eyes crinkle. 

Security barges in and kids scatter like bugs, leaving the four of them in the center of the action. They are hauled away like criminals, heading in the direction of the principal's office.

None of them utter a single peep the entire walk down there. Reality setting it at what they had just done. What if he gets kicked off the football team? And Mom and Dad are gonna be fuming, he'll probably be grounded for a year.

As they file into the office, Gabe remembers to put his shirt back on just in time.

"Hello, boys," drawls the familiar voice of Principal Crowley. 

They'd faced a small amount of his wrath in the past, but never have they done something this insane.

"It seems that you four have been very naughty," he says, sipping his coffee and twirling a pen between his fingers. His coffee mug is black with the words 'The King' written underneath an image of a gaudy crown.

_What the fuck?_

He looks at some documents on his desk and says "Novaks and Winchesters. Winchester? Isn't your lovely mummy an English teacher right here in our little school?" he realizes, taking another sip.

"Yes, sir," Dean answers, glancing sideways at Sam. He is paralyzed, poor kid has never been in trouble at school his whole life.

"Ah, I see," is all he says and writes something down quickly.

Dean stares at the photos on Crowley's desk, instead of family and friends, it's covered with pictures of his dogs. It looks as if there are four different ones, a Rottweiler, a Doberman, a Pit bull, and one gigantic mutt, all growling and terrifying. 

_What is wrong with this guy?_

"Since you've caught me in a generous mood, I'll go easy on you. Detention, after school, everyday for a week. And you won't be staring into space in silence for an hour at some desk, you'll be cleaning the cafeteria top to bottom," he declares with a smirk.

This is going easy on them? Dean hates to think what a real punishment might include. Oh well, at least they'll be together.

~

It isn't quite as dramatic as a whole year, but John and Mary do ground the boys for a month. And it's a fucking long month. Dean is only allowed out of the house for school and football practice. John also took away his driving lesson privileges, which is honestly the worst part. He'd just been getting used to the amazing feeling of the Impala rolling beneath him, completely addicted to everything about her, only to have it snatched away. 

Cas and Gabe are in almost the exact situation, except Gabe sneaks out nearly every night, only getting caught once. Cas stays locked in his room like a prisoner, not risking getting any more time added to his sentence. Dean misses him terribly, realizing just how much time they spend together when it's suddenly cut in half. They talk on the phone every night until John starts yelling about that counting as 'hanging out'. 

His relationship with Cassie becomes strained, being put to an early test, considering he isn't allowed to see her outside of class. She attacks him with kisses every chance she gets in the hallway, desperately leaving him wanting more.

So that's why when Dean regains his freedom the first thing he decides to do is take her on a date. It's pretty cliche and predictable, they go out to dinner and see a movie. She tells him she had a really nice time and invites him back to her house after. 

The second they reach her bedroom and she's on him like glue, sealing their mouths together and pulling him toward the bed. He lands on top of her and things start looking like they might go further than he originally anticipated.

"You're so freakin' hot, Dean Winchester, you know that?" She pants, grabbing his ass to grind his hips forward into her. 

He feels his cock swelling up incredibly fast, dry humping against her and sucking a hickey onto the skin of her neck. Dean's never been this far with anyone else and he's already dangerously close to coming in his pants. She makes these tiny mewling noises, wrapping her legs around his waist and locking him in place. He feels her hand snake between their bodies, landing on his cock, she palms and squeezes it through his jeans.

"Cas," Dean moans, and in that moment the entire world seems like it's coming to an abrupt end. 

As the name leaves his lips so many things happen at once. He does not think of the beautiful girl who is moaning and wiggling beneath him. Instead, he sees a pair of blue eyes that put the sky to shame. He pictures kissing a thick pair of lips that are always slightly chapped. He imagines the way a certain deep voice would sound moaning his name back. He thinks of Castiel.

Cassie halts her movements and removes her hand from cupping his dick. Dean stops rutting his hips and lifts his head to see her face.

"Don't call me Cas," she says coldly. "It's weird and I've told you that before."

Dean's heart is racing and he feels like he might be sick. He stutters some nonsense and pushes himself off her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Oh, my GOD!" she screams, sitting up and folding her arms across her chest. "Were you thinking of him?"

"What? No!" Dean says defensively, placing his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

"Dean, I think you should just go," she insists.

He wants to tell her she's crazy and wrong, but the words simply won't form. He raises his head and forces himself to stand up, as he reaches the door he looks back at her.

"I'm sorry," is all he says, watching a tear slip down her face. She looks more sad than angry, and if anything, Dean thinks that makes him feel worse.

Later that evening Dean is alone in his bedroom, unable to find peace. He stares at the ceiling trying to figure out what just happened. One thing he knows for sure is that he and Cassie are definitely over. There's no recovering from that. Everything else swimming around in his shellshocked brain is too much to sort through at the moment. As fucked up as it is, Dean wants to see Cas. He wants to talk to him or maybe just simply be near him. Cas always makes him feel better and this time should be no different, Dean tells himself this as he dials his house number.

"Hello?" Chuck's voice says through the phone. Dean can hear the faint sound of Cas practicing his harp in the background.

"Uncle Chuck, it's Dean," Dean says, uncomfortably.

"Hey! So, how's freedom treating you? You had that date tonight right?" He replies happily.

"Oh! Yeah, great! Really great!" Dean chokes out.

"You show her a good time? Treatin' her right, I'm sure," Chuck says excitedly.

"Totally!" His voice raises two octaves. He laughs nervously and says way too loudly, "Can I talk to Cas?"

"Sure, hold on a sec," and he pauses before shouting, "Castiel! Dean's on the phone for you!"

The sound of the harp stops and seconds later Cas' rough voice is saying, "Hello, Dean."

"Wow, uh, that was fast," Dean says tensely.

"I always come when you call," he states, causing Dean's eyes to widen.

He suddenly realizes that this may have been the dumbest idea he's ever had.

_I'm having a gay panic attack, what should I do? Definitely call the guy causing said gay panic attack._

"Dean, what's wrong?" Cas says after a moment of silence.

"Cassie and I broke up," he admits quietly.

There's a long pause before Cas replies with, "You wanna talk about it?"

_Oh, sure! So, I accidentally almost creamed my pants while thinking about kissing you instead of her. No big deal. We're cool, right?_

"No," is what he actually says. 

"Okay," Cas says calmly, waiting for Dean to make the next move.

"Can you come over?" Dean says even quieter than before.

"On my way," is all he says before the phone line goes dead.

Ten minutes later Cas enters his bedroom without knocking, sits down on the bed and just stares at Dean. Upon seeing Cas, Dean realizes two things. Firstly, Cas is actually hot as fuck and doesn't understand how he didn't see it before. And secondly, this absurd crush ends right now, he won't risk losing the best friend he's ever had because his stupid hormones are raging out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always loved the idea of playing with 'Cas' and 'Cassie' and here was my golden opportunity!


	5. Happy Halloween, Bitches!

Dean Winchester  
Age 18

Dean has a small box under his bed full of special things he's collected throughout his lifetime. Every now and then he gets the urge to look through this box, his memories and emotions flooding to the surface, as he remembers all the good times. 

Mainly, the box is full of pictures from his childhood and tickets from events they've attended in the past. One of the physical items include a unique looking brass amulet Sammy had given him one Christmas when they were little. He said Uncle Bobby helped him pick it out at an antique store, and Dean absolutely loves it. He used to wear it all the time. Another item is a statue of a small angel his mother bought for his bedroom when he was only a baby. She told him that angels were watching over him, the thought still comforts him.

As he sifts through the pictures, he finds one in particular that makes him laugh. The Wizard of Oz Halloween fiasco. Dean couldn't have been more than nine years old, dressed up as the Scarecrow, standing awkwardly on Uncle Bobby's front lawn. To his right stood Cas, dressed as the Tin Man, trying to rub off all the silver paint Becky had smeared on his face. On Dean's left was little Sammy, wearing a Cowardly Lion costume, he was damn adorable. Next to him was Jo, she was Glinda the good witch, smiling at the camera and holding her magic wand proudly. And then there was Gabriel. He was standing on Cas' right side wearing a goddamn Dorothy costume. Ruby slippers and his little dog too. This whole nightmare was his idea and their parents ran with it.

As it happens, today is Halloween, and he has a kickass party to go to later. About a year ago, Dean met a girl named Charlie, the coolest chick he's ever known, besides maybe Jo. Charlie is a tornado full of geeky fun that Dean was happy to get sucked up into. She loves comics, video games, and LARPs on weekends, her confidence is absolutely infectious, making Dean discover more and more new things about himself all the time. Her and Cas click well together too, a major plus in Dean's opinion. 

Charlie is the one hosting the party tonight, inviting more than half the school and then some. Her parents are out of town, giving her all sorts of crazy ideas. Gabe is driving Dean and Cas there later, while Sam's got his own thing going on with his nerdy little friend Kevin. They're hoping to get one last year of trick-or-treating in before people stop giving them free candy for being too old. 

The creaking sound of his door being pushed open startles Dean, he looks up to find his brother standing in the doorway. He's grown so much the last couple of years, almost surpassing Dean in height.

"Hey," Dean says, closing the lid to the box and sliding it back under the bed.

"Hey," he replies, moving across the room and flopping down on Dean's bed with a dopey smile on his face.

"What's that face for?" Dean asks, already half guessing what it could be in his head.

"Nothing!" Sam practically giggles.

"You met a girl. Sam, I'm not an idiot," Dean says cockily.

"Maybe," he says dreamily.

_Oh, my God, he's got it bad!_

"What's her name? Come on gimme something!" Dean presses him.

"Her name is Jess. Dean, she's beautiful, I mean really beautiful. And so smart too! I asked her to come with us tonight and she said yes!" Sam rambles quickly.

"Good for you, man! Proud of you," Dean smiles and reaches over to ruffle his hair.

"Dean!" Sam whines, swatting his hand away. "She's gonna be here in an hour, so I'm gonna go get ready. What are you doing tonight?" he adds, about to leave the room.

"Me and the guys are going to Charlie's Halloween party. Gonna be crazy," Dean answers him, smile turning into more of a smirk.

"Well, have fun and be safe," he says seriously.

"When am I not?" Dean says naturally.

An hour later Dean meets Jess, and Sam is right, she's a total cutie. Sam is dressed up as a doctor and she shows up wearing a skimpy little nurse's costume, making him blush. Once Kevin arrives, the three of them leave together, walking down the block with their empty pillow cases. Dean puffs out his chest, heart swelling with pride as he watches his little brother grow up. 

When Dean shows up at the Novak's it isn't until almost forty-five minutes later that Gabe is finally ready to leave. Cas passes the time by playing his harp and as usual, Dean listens. He practices the song he wrote for Dean, the familiar yet still fresh melody filling the otherwise quiet house. As Cas improves, Dean's song evolves over the years, continuing to add new things, making it even more intense. Dean never asks him what it's called again, almost slightly afraid of the answer at this point.

Dean feels that his crush on Cas is somewhat under control. He is definitely still attracted to him, but at least he's able to manage being around him like nothing ever happened those two years ago. He never told Cas why he and Cassie broke up, and he never plans on it.

It's like deja vu when Gabe appears at the top of the stairs, wearing another ridiculous outfit. All these years later, Cas still sits in that same spot playing his instrument and Dean still lays there listening, while Gabe presents himself in his latest clown like endeavor. This time he's dressed as Willy Wonka, striding down the steps two at a time, humming the goddamn theme song. 

"You lame-o's ready to go?" he says, his voice light and airy.

"We've _been_ ready, you friggin' Oompa Loompa!" Dean snarks back, opening the front door and holding it for Cas.

They walk down the driveway and hop into Chuck's van when Gabe replies with, "We'll see who's laughing when I'm givin' out my golden tickets later!" He winks and closes the driver's side door. "Plus, chicks dig top hats." 

Before Dean or Cas have a chance to retort, Gabe pops in a Halloween CD and plays 'Monster Mash' on repeat the whole drive there.

~

They arrive at Charlie's house and shit is crazier than Dean ever could have imagined. Everyone is already drunk. Including Charlie, who is dressed as Arwen from Lord of the Rings. The music is blasting and people are either dancing or in various stages of hooking up.

"What's up, bitches!" she shouts, hugging Dean and Cas when she spots them. Gabe blows her a kiss and scurries away, muttering something about finding Kali.

"Hey, Charlie! You look great!" Dean points to her outfit.

She smiles widely and squeaks, "Thank you!" But suddenly, her smile fades away and she stamps her foot. "I can't believe you party poopers seriously came to _my_ party without costumes!" 

"We've had bad experiences dressing up before-" Cas starts to explain, but she shakes her head and stops him.

"No excuses!" she says, smiling again. She wedges herself between them, hooking her elbows through each of theirs and dragging them forward toward the kitchen. "I guess you can make it up to me by getting super duper wasted!" 

She wiggles free and starts concocting them some red, fruity looking mistakes. She hands one to each of them and waits expectantly.

"Drink up, losers!" she encourages them and takes a sip from her own red solo cup.

Dean looks at Cas and holds out his drink "Cheers!" he says, grinning wickedly.

Cas taps his own drink gently to Dean's before they both raise them to their lips, tasting Charlie's creation. It's fucking fantastic. 

"Jeez, this is delicious! What do you call it?" Dean asks her.

"The Red Shirt," Charlie giggles furiously.

"I don't understand that reference," Cas looks at Dean, puzzled.

"It's from Star Trek, all the dudes who wear the red uniform usually die. It's become a pretty morbid joke among the fans," Dean explains, and Charlie yells, "He's dead, Jim!" before staggering out of the kitchen.

They both take another sip of their drinks and Dean leans against the counter saying, "Did Gabe say he was going to find Kali?"

Cas steps closer to him to avoid shouting over the music and the new proximity makes Dean's pulse quicken slightly.

"Yes, they are back together. For now," Cas says with an annoyed expression.

"Dude, they're worse than a bad soap opera! I've never seen two people go back and forth so much," Dean sighs, taking another big sip, halfway done with it already.

"All soap operas are bad, Dean," Cas smiles from behind his cup.

Knowing what Cas is referring to he says, "Hey, hey, hey! Dr. Sexy is not bad, and I will not have you insulting his honor!" Dean jokes.

Cas laughs and smiles wider than before. His eyes sparkle and it gives Dean butterflies. Okay, maybe he's still a little fucked up over Cas. Just a little.

~

Two hours later Dean is plastered, taking the last sip of his fifth Red Shirt. Sure, he's gotten a buzz in the past, but never has he been this drunk before. His tongue is loose, shouting all sorts of inappropriate things and laughing extremely loud. His body feels warm and fuzzy, totally content in every way apart from one thing. Cas is missing.

Dean spends a few minutes searching for him, eventually spotting him on one of the couches in Charlie's living room. Someone put a pair of little black cat ears on his head.

_Fuck, he's cute._

Dean approaches him and can tell he's pretty drunk as well, his eyes look different. He sits directly next to him, personal space out the window as he settles his face inches from Cas'.

"Hey, nice ears," he giggles, poking at them. He then drags his hand down one of the kitty ears and touches Cas' hair.

_It's so fluffy!_

He weaves his fingers through it and holds his friend's head in place.

"Thank you," Cas replies, staring at Dean's lips.

"Cas," Dean says and leans in an inch, but he stops himself. "Wanna kiss you so fuckin' bad. Wanted ta kiss you for two years," he admits quietly. There's a small voice inside his head screaming that this is a very bad idea, but he ignores it and let's instinct take over.

"Dean," he rasps out, cupping one of Dean's cheeks in his hand, and then slides it all the way down his torso, feeling the many solid muscles hidden under his tight black t-shirt.

"Yeah, Cas, touch me. Want you to touch me," Dean begs, bringing his mouth even closer.

Cas takes the invitation and places both of his hands on Dean's hips, using his uncharacteristically strong arms to pull Dean onto his lap.

Dean's other hand joins his first one inside the mess of Cas' hair, gently massaging his scalp with his thumbs. It feels incredible finally being this close to him, pressing his half hard cock against Cas' groin. They continue their eternal staring contest, when Cas finally breaks and slams his lips onto the boy in front of him.

 _This is what Heaven feels like._ Dean thinks to himself like a smitten princess.

It's as if their mouths were made specifically to fit one another perfectly by God himself. Dean kisses him back with enthusiasm, leaning all of his weight forward and trapping Cas between his body and the couch cushion. 

Dean opens his mouth, and licks a wet stripe over Cas' bottom lip and growls "Open," and Cas does.

Their tongues are clumsy and the kiss is overall very sloppy due to the alcohol, but it's still awesome. "You wanna know why me and Cassie broke it off?" Dean pants, trailing his mouth down to kiss Cas' jaw.

"Mmmm," is all he replies before dropping his head back and exposing more of his neck.

"Cause I was thinkin' 'bout you when I kissed her," Dean says, nose nuzzling his stubble and continuing down his neck.

"Dean!" Cas says, voice broken.

"Your eyes, your hair, your voice...your cock," Dean continues, and bucks his hips a little. "Been thinkin' 'bout all of that," he slurs.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, ahh, Deeeeean," Cas moans, and Dean thinks the words sound a little strange coming from him, probably because Cas almost never curses, but then he realizes that it's only more of a turn on.

Their tongues find each other once again, continuing to lick and kiss every inch of the other's mouth, drinking in the flavor greedily. Dean is starving for this, ready to jump inside him and never come out. A part of him is still unable to fathom if it's really happening or not, but he pushes the thought far away and enjoys this moment as if it's his last.

"Woah! Okay, Ernie and Bert, cool it! I think you guys have had enough!" Gabe's voice booms over the music.

Dean feels Gabe's hands wriggle in between both his arm pits, lifting him up and pulling him off Cas.

"No, Gabe, we're fine!" Dean whines, struggling out of his grip, and out of no where starts dancing to the blaring, repetitive, electronic beat. Dancing badly.

"I know, we're all so _totally_ fine, but right now, you two chuckleheads are comin' with me," he says laughing and leaning down to haul Cas up to his feet.

Dean and Cas both lean on each side of Gabe, allowing him to steer them out of the house and toward the car. When they pass by Charlie, Dean notices her making out with an adorable girl wearing a fairy costume. Charlie rules.

They eventually reach the car and Gabe tucks Cas into the front seat, and makes Dean sit in the back. As soon as the door shuts, he lays down, feeling really tired all of a sudden.

"Gabriel, wait!" Cas shouts, as he hops in the car and starts the ignition. 

"What's up, Cassie?" He responds, taking off his top hat.

"Did you drink?" Cas shouts louder, squinting his eyes and staring at his brother's face.

"Not to worry, baby bro! I'm as sober as a judge," he swears, beginning to drive home.

As soon as the car moves, Dean feels sick, but he holds it together and sits back up.

"I'm gay," Cas blurts out, staring out the window.

"No shit," Gabe says, smiling.

Cas had come out to Dean a couple months ago, and he remembers being honored that Cas had chosen to tell him first out of all their family and friends. Dean would be lying if he said the news didn't make his heart flutter with hope and give him delusions of grandeur, but he suppressed those crazy feelings and carried on, ready to be the best friend Cas deserved.

"Me too," Dean chimes in without thinking, then falls into a fit of giggles that won't stop.

"Welcome, boys! Dicks are delicious!" Gabe says, turning up the heat in the car a little.

"Sooooo, you're gay too?" Cas asks sleepily, squishing his face against the glass.

"Nope, I'm bi," he explains.

"Wait, no, I'm that! I like girls too," Dean slurs through the giggles, grabbing his own face, trying to steady himself. 

"I feel like I found a liquor store and drank it," Cas groans, making Dean laugh louder. Oh boy, laughing is suddenly not good, he's definitely gonna puke soon. No more laughing.

Gabe pulls up and parks in the Novak driveway, hopping out and running to Dean's door. Cas starts to open his door but Gabe stops him. 

"Not you, kitten. I'm gonna drop Deano off into Sammy's expert care and then I'll be back for you," Gabe instructs him, pulling off the cat ears.

"But, Deeeean," Cas almost cries and the sound of it breaks Dean's heart. More than anything Dean just wants to go to him, _needs_ him, but right now Dean needs the toilet more.

"Cas, I..." he pauses, not knowing what to say when a sudden intense panic hits him.

_Wait, did they make out? Holy fucking shit._

He realizes what he needs to say now, "I'm so sorry."

Gabe holds him steady as they walk away from the car, across the lawn, and enter the Winchester home. Dean doesn't look back, he can't look back.

Upon hearing the front door, Sam flies down the stairs and whispers, "Shh, Mom and Dad are sleeping already!" He immediately replaces Gabe at Dean's side and walks him forward, heading for the staircase.

"How bad is he?" Dean hears Sam ask Gabe quietly.

"Not too bad. He shouted some bad jokes, danced horribly, oh, and he smooched Cassie," Gabe says, shit eating grin spreading across his face.

"What?" Sam squeaks, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Sammy, please, need bathroom," Dean pleads with him. 

"Sorry, Samwich, he's definitely gonna barf his brains out soon. Just make sure he drinks some water and takes Advil before he sleeps. I would stay for the show, but I got my own little ball of drunken fun waiting for me in the car," Gabe says, apologetically before turning to leave.

"Okay, got it. Hey, Gabe?" Sam says, before he can close the door.

"Mm?"

"Thanks for getting him home safe. And, uh, Happy Halloween!" Sam smiles warmly at him.

"You got it, kiddo. And Happy Halloween to you too. I'll be over tomorrow to raid your candy filled pillowcase," he winks at him before finally shutting the door.

Sam quietly helps Dean reach the bathroom, rubbing his back while he vomits and whispering words of comfort.

"So, you kissed Cas?" Sam tests him.

"Ugh, don't wanna talk about it," Dean moans in agony.

"Why not? I think you two go good together. Kinda always figured-" 

"Shuddup, Sam! It was a mistake and I plan on apologizing more to him tomorrow," Dean says, voice angry and stubborn.

"But what if-"

"Look, I think we all deserve one 'I accidentally made out with my best friend while drunk' free pass, right?" Dean teases, finally standing up off the bathroom floor and stripping his clothes down to his boxer briefs.

"Whatever you say, Dean," and Sam gives up.

Dean sways dangerously as he walks past Sam and out of the bathroom, stopping when he reaches the frame of his bedroom door. "So did you kiss her?" he asks, chugging the water Sam handed him before.

Sam blushes and admits, "Yeah, I did."

"That a boy," Dean says and closes the door on his brother's starry eyes.

Guilt and shame weigh heavily in Dean's mind as he tries to fall asleep. He dreads tomorrow. Tomorrow means his first wicked hangover. Tomorrow means awkwardly telling Cas this was a huge mistake. Tomorrow means pretending that it's actually the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie plus Halloween equals my favorite thing. Ever. And yay Star Trek!!


	6. Around One in the Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this had to happen! Trigger warning: Drunk driving accident, death and comfort sex.

Dean Winchester  
Age 21

Dean's life is pretty sweet right now, he has a job he enjoys and a hot date next weekend. He began working for Bobby and his father at 'Singer Auto Salvage' a few years back after he graduated high school, displaying a natural ability for the profession. And John had surprised Dean by gifting him the Impala as a graduation present, something he still thinks of as a fairy tale dream come true. Recently, he helped save enough money to contribute to the remodeling project Bobby had been wanting to do for years. They expanded the building almost double in size and business has never been better. Dean not only does repairs and routine check ups, but now he's also gained quite the reputation for expert body work and paint jobs. He's proud of himself, even without a fancy college degree.

As for the date, it's with a gorgeous guy he met named Benny. They met at the shop, where Dean had been working on his car for a couple weeks. After a shit ton of flirting, Benny finally asked him out for a drink, to which Dean happily accepted. After that infamous drunken Halloween night, Dean knew he had some sober soul searching to do. He came to realize that he really is in fact bisexual, not just attracted to Cas. In the four years since then, Benny is the first man he'll actually be going on a date with, making it both exciting and nerve wrecking.

It's a Friday night near the end of May, as Dean sits behind the wheel of the Impala, racing home after a long day at work. He's eager to get home because tonight is Sammy's prom and Dean can't wait to take pictures and embarrass the crap out of him. 

He pulls up to his house, noticing that Jess's parents car is already in the driveway. Once he steps inside, Dean is greeted by a warm and fulfilling feeling that simply can't be fabricated. The living room is packed with the people most special to him: his parents, Sammy, the Singer's, and the Novak's. Newest additions to the family are Jess, her mother and father. She and Sam had fallen hard for one another, planning on going to Stanford together after graduation. Jess is absolutely stunning, probably one of the most beautiful girls Dean has ever laid eyes on, and more importantly she makes Sam happy. 

Everyone is currently over to send the two of them off for their big night, spamming them with photos as if they were Brangelina on the red carpet. Sam's face is glowing, dressed in his brand new suit with his arm wrapped around Jess' waist posing for his photoshoot. Jess is wearing a long, red dress made of some silky material that shows her curves, yet still makes her appear the epitome of class. 

"Dean!" Sam says, coming over to hug him.

"Woah! Easy tiger, I'm covered in grease and wouldn't want you to stain your Ken doll outfit," Dean stops him, laughing easily.

"Oh, right," Sam backs up and throws him a smile that would make any hug pale in comparison.

"And the beautiful Ms. Moore, looking lovely as always," Dean says in a fake pompous voice.

"Why thank you good, sir," Jess replies, curtsying and playing along.

"Okay, I need pictures on the front lawn ASAP! Limo's gonna be here in ten minutes so we have to hurry!" Mary pipes up, corralling everyone outside.

Dean hangs back, wanting to wash his hands and grab a glass of water. Cas follows him into the kitchen. 

Dean and Cas are good. They're really good. It took a couple of weeks for things to go back to normal after that kiss, but it seemed that nothing could destroy their friendship, able to withstand any test without fail. However, nothing that intense goes without some sort of consequence. They both may be able to move on, but they definitely would never forget.

"Hey," Dean says, squirting the soap onto his hands and turning his head to face Cas.

"Hello, Dean," Cas says deeply. This is exactly how Cas has greeted him every time since they were friggin' five years old and no matter what, it will always make Dean smile.

"Man, I can't believe it's Sammy's prom already. We're gettin' old," Dean jokes, rinsing his hands clean and drying them on the nearest towel.

Cas doesn't say anything, he just leans on the cabinet, arms folded over his chest as he watches Dean open the fridge.

Dean changes his mind about the water when he sees the ice cold beers his father must have just restocked. He grabs one and turns back to Cas. "What's wrong?" Dean asks.

"Nothing is wrong," Cas replies quickly. 

"Well something's on your mind, don't insult me, I can tell," Dean says, more curtly than it needed to be.

Cas squints, his eyes searching Dean's face for who knows what before dropping his arms to his sides and visibly relaxing. 

"I miss you," Cas says, and that's all it takes.

Dean is a mess again. Feelings come flooding back, tearing down the delicate little wall he'd constructed. But no, Dean won't allow his brain to do this again, he has a date coming up with Benny and he plans on attending it with bells on. 

On the other hand, Dean does miss his best friend. Cas has been busy with college, going for his masters degree in accounting soon, while Dean works long hours at the shop. They don't hang out as much as they used to, adulthood swooping in and replacing their childhood like a thief in the night.

Dean places his beer on the countertop and lunges at him. He hugs him tightly and smiles when Cas' arms snake around him, returning the embrace. Dean misses this most, they used to touch all the time, never afraid to invade each other's space. That's the one thing the kiss permanently damaged. They don't touch that much anymore.

"I miss you too. So much," Dean whispers, nose brushing against Cas' hair. 

Dean knows it's too long of a hug but he doesn't let him go, because once it's over, the walls go back up. 

"Let's order takeout, drink some beer, and wait for Sammy to come home," Dean suggests, still holding him.

"Okay," Cas agrees, lips dangerously close to Dean's ear.

"DEAN!" Mary's voice screams for him from the front lawn.

They both nearly jump through the roof, letting go of one another and hurrying outside. The limo has just arrived, ready to take his brother to a night he'll hopefully never forget.

"What were you doing in there? Your brother's about to leave! Dean, let me get a picture of you sending him off," Mary orders him.

Dean walks over to Sam, who is currently locked in one of Gabriel's death grips. 

"Knock 'em dead, kiddo! And remember to wear a rubber!" Dean hears him say.

"Gabe! C'mon!" Sam cracks up, pulling away from him.

"Alright, my turn," Dean says, smiling and slotting himself in front of his not-so-little-anymore baby brother. Dean can hear his mother rapid firing the camera behind them.

"Have fun tonight, bitch," Dean says, tapping his cheek lovingly.

"Thanks, jerk, we will," Sam slides into the limo after Jess and waves to all of them as they pull away.

Dean thinks back to his own prom, what a memory. He'd gone with Rhonda Hurley, bat shit crazy and a helluva good time. He lost his virginity to her that night, skipping right over the 'first time missionary position magic' and diving straight into kinky town. Dean still has her panties in his dresser. Just in case.

Whatever Sam and Jess decide to do tonight, Dean just hopes they are safe, happy, and enjoy every second of it.

True to their plan, Dean and Cas spend the evening together. They order Chinese food for delivery and watch a Clint Eastwood movie, drinking beer and thoroughly enjoying each other's company. Gabe sticks around too, missing them as well apparently. He recently started attending culinary school, beginning the long road to one day opening his bakery.

In fact, nobody leaves the Winchester home after Sam and Jess' send off, it turns into a giant impromptu party that spans well into the night.

Around one in the morning the house phone rings. Dean ignores it, still on the couch with Cas and Gabe, laughing and joking.

Around one in the morning Jessica Moore dies.

Around one in the morning Sam is critically injured. 

Around one in the morning Dean can't breathe.

~

After minutes of chaos, Dean finds himself in the back seat of the Impala. Cas is next to him, holding his hand and talking to him. Dean watches his lips move, but he can't hear a word he's saying. Cas' face is in pain, he looks like he's crying, and Dean can't hear him. 

Sammy's dying.

A drunk driver hit their limo on the way home and killed Jess instantly, Sam might not survive. Nothing in the world could have prepared him for this moment, there simply is no Dean without Sam.

He's shuffled into the hospital, Cas never letting go of him, the only reminder that Dean's actually still here, grounded to the Earth. Dean is still unable to hear the people around him, the only thing that plays on repeat is the blood curdling scream of his mother after she answered the phone. It's the worst sound he's ever heard, all of her pain vocalized in one moment of pure agony. 

Everyone who was back at the house, except Jess' parents, Dean doesn't know where they went, are now filling the hospital waiting room, sitting quietly, waiting. 

Sam is in surgery, they won't be waiting much longer.

It's been hours, or has it been minutes? Dean doesn't know. What he does know is that his head is resting on Cas' chest and his hearing is returning. He hears Cas' heart beat, but also something else. Cas is humming a song, their song, arms wrapped around him tight and fingers resting gently in Dean's hair. Dean is crying now. Tears are leaking steadily into Cas' shirt, but he just holds him closer. 

The doctor appears and Dean perks up, watching as his mother and father talk to her. He's too far away to hear them, but he can tell it's good news. His parents are hugging and Dean can see his mother's broken smile. 

"He's gonna be okay," John announces to their friends and family. 

"He's stable, doctor says it's a miracle. We're so lucky," Mary cries, face swollen.

Suddenly, Dean is hugging everyone, some individually, some in a group.

"When can we see him?" Dean's voice is hoarse. 

"Soon," John whispers, pulling Dean into a bone crushing hug. He doesn't often hug his father, but right now they both need it.

They wait a few hours longer, when finally they're allowed to see Sam. The doctor instructs only a few people in at a time and John, Mary, and Dean go first.

He's in really bad shape and Dean wants to kill the bastard that did this to him. And to Jess, he still can't believe she's gone. 

When Sam opens his eyes, Dean breathes again.

"Sammy?" Dean says, tears forming again.

"De?" Sam's voice cuts through him like a knife, he's in so much pain.

"We're here, sweetie," Mary coos, holding his hand.

"What happened? Where's Jess?" he asks, and nobody speaks.

How do you tell someone that the person they love is gone forever? John and Mary stay silent while Sam's face grows with panic. Dean will tell him, he deserves to know.

"Listen, Sammy, there was an accident-"

"No."

"She didn't make it-"

"NO!"

"I'm so sorry."

Sam cries. It's loud, wailing, painful crying that freezes all the warmth right out of Dean's body. Dean stays with him until he exhausts himself from crying and unwillingly falls asleep.

Now that he's seen his brother alive with his own eyes, spoken with him and soothed him as best he could for the moment, Dean realizes he needs fresh air. He can't stand to be in this stuffy hospital one more torturous second.

"I'm going for a walk," he announces, leaving Sam's room. As soon as he sees him, Dean grabs Cas' hand instinctively, pulling him along.

~

It's dark and breezy outside, but it feels refreshing. Dean walks automatically toward the Impala, trying to remember who drove it here. It must have been John.

Cas' hand is still tucked inside his own when they reach the car, entering it frantically. Dean feels safe inside Baby and he feels safe with Cas. The second the door shuts, Dean loses it again, more tension releasing from his body.

"He could have died, Cas! I really thought he was gonna die!" he sobs, letting Cas encompass him in his strong arms. 

They are closer than they were before in the waiting room, Dean's practically on his lap, crying into his neck.

"Dean, he's okay. Sam is safe," Cas soothes, pulling him further onto him.

"Cas, I can't lose him, I've gotta die first. That's how it's supposed to go," Dean rambles, crawling fully on top of him.

"Shh, breathe with me," is all Cas says, rubbing his back and breathing deeply, setting the example.

Dean breathes for him, over and over, he breathes into Cas' hair. The familiar scent smells like home and it's the most comforting thing Dean could have asked for.

"And what about Jess? Sammy loves her and she's gone. She's never coming back, he'll never hold her again, never see her smile again," Dean starts up again, already forgetting to breathe. "What if that happens to us?" he cries softly.

"Dean, I told you I will never leave you," Cas answers calmly.

Dean pulls his face out of Cas' hair and captures his eyes. 

"Please, Cas, need you," Dean begs, eye lashes wet with tears.

"I'm here," he whispers, and then Dean is kissing him.

It's so very different from their first kiss, yet extremely similar. They're in the same position and it's still sloppy but this time it's for such a different reason. Dean is incredibly needy, already moaning into Cas' open mouth. 

"Can't lose you," Dean pants, rocking his body against the other man.

"You won't," Cas says back, tightening his grip.

Dean holds onto him, borrowing Cas' air to use as his own. He lets go of the all horror held up in the back of his mind from the past few hours and transports his brain somewhere else. 

His cock is hard and Dean can't really remember how any of this got started, but knows he doesn't want to stop. Dean paws his giant hands all over Cas, sensually touching every part he can reach of the man who is currently keeping him alive.

Dean sits back a moment to look at him, Cas is wrecked, crying also, but his tears are silent unlike Dean's blatant sobs. Dean begins wiping them away, hating the stains they are leaving on his face.

Cas' hands move to Dean's belt, uncoordinatedly ripping at the buckle. They maintain eye contact as Cas pulls him free, closing his hand around the hot length, thumbing at the tip. He rubs there with a perfect amount of pressure, spreading the leaking liquid all around his hand and the shaft. Cas builds up a slow rhythm, lips slightly parted and eyes glassy.

"Cas, ah," Dean says quietly, gently thrusting into his hand. "Want you too."

Dean halts their movements and mirrors Cas' previous behavior, finally exposing the cock he's fantasized about for years. However, this isn't how he's ever pictured them together. Dean wishes that they were happy, wishes that they could say more to each other than grunt in pleasure, wishes that he could tell Cas he loves him.

Cas takes control, clasping both of them together in his hand, pumping faster, harder, carrying them towards the end goal.

There's no more words, just the dirty sounds of heavy breathing and small moans. Dean watches Cas' face and can see he's close, this realization makes his own climax creep up sooner than expected. Seconds later, they release at nearly the same time, their come spilling over and mixing as one. 

Dean's orgasm is quick and necessary, allowing his body to reach that point of total relaxation afterwards. 

There's still no words when Dean reaches into the back seat, grabbing an old sweatshirt to wipe them clean, before tucking themselves back into their jeans. The sun is coming up, beginning a new day they both desperately needed. 

Dean dares himself to look at Cas' face again, feeling like a coward for using him like this. He leans forward and plants a chaste kiss on Cas' lips, making it the most meaningful one they've ever shared. 

Dean scrambles off his lap and sits in the drivers seat, staring forward through the windshield. Still no words. After minutes of silence and no idea what to do next, Cas grabs his hand, giving it a slight squeeze and motioning his head toward the hospital.

Their hands break apart quickly as they exit the car. The quiet walk back towards reality is uncomfortable. Their protective walls springing back up, larger than before.


	7. Gumby Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always a slut for some Calthazar. Also, I think Chapter 7 & 8 go together almost like one big chapter.

Dean Winchester  
Age 22

A little over a year later and things are still so beyond fucked up. Jess' death has left a hole in Sam's life that Dean is starting to think he might never recover from. Her funeral was an absolute nightmare, one of the saddest and most heartbreaking things Dean was ever forced to witness. During the services Sam was a zombie, doped up on pain meds and barely responsive. His little brother looked broken, a shell of the happy-go-lucky brat he used to be.

After months of healing and physical therapy, Sam's injuries are gone. On the surface. His headspace is for the majority unreadable, becoming distant and cold to everyone around him. Not even Gabe can make Sammy laugh anymore, a bone chilling thought that scares Dean most of all.

Sam spends most of his time out of the house, coming home in the middle of the night, and generally just avoiding everyone and everything. Dean wonders where he goes or what he's doing, so he relentlessly tries to reach out to him, but Sam recoils even further, spitting hurtful words he doesn't mean. 

Sam doesn't go to college, saying he's only taking a year off to get his life together, but Dean can tell he's lying, not planning on going at all. Sam's decisions are violently snuffing out the torch Dean has been carrying for his smart baby brother all these years, he was supposed to become a big shot lawyer and make the family proud. 

After the accident, Dean cancels his date with Benny, not able to function in the dating world anymore. It's something that Dean may end up always regretting, because he can just tell Benny is a really great guy who deserved a chance.

And then there's Cas. They never speak about what happened in the Impala that night. Just one more thing to add to the ever-growing pile of shit shoved under the rug. Knowing him for almost his entire life, and Dean can't figure out what's going on inside his head. Is Cas as fucked up over Dean as Dean is about Cas? Does he want a relationship? Is he simply scared? Is he just using Dean as a crutch to hold himself together? Is it all of these things or none of them? Why can't they communicate anymore? 

Dean gets the answers to some of his questions one night after work, when he heads over to the Novak household to borrow some milk. He notices that only Cas' car is in the driveway along with one he's never seen before.

Having never knocked in almost twenty years, Dean barges through the front door and heads toward the kitchen. He sees movement out of the corner of his eyes and glances over his right shoulder, peering into the living room and coming to a full stop at the sight he sees.

Cas is on the couch with someone, another man. A man, who is kissing him passionately. They break apart to look at their intruder. Cas' hair is disheveled and his cheeks are pink, eyes aroused with lust that Dean did not cause. 

"Uhhh," Dean says stupidly, not knowing whether to run or act cool and introduce himself.

"Dean," Cas rasps, looking between him and his guest. The new guy is eyeing Dean up and down, drinking him in as if he's assessing his threat level.

"I'm sorry, I had no idea, I'll go," Dean babbles, heading for the door again.

"No," Cas commands, standing up and straightening his clothes. 

Recently, Cas obtained his first job at an accounting firm, so naturally he has to dress the part. He wears a tan trench coat over his black suit, with a navy blue tie. The suit and tie vary slightly from day to day but the coat has become almost iconic. This new holy tax accountant get up does things for Dean, incredibly naughty things.

_WHY?_

"Dean, this is Balthazar," Cas says, smiling warmly at the stranger in the room. 

_Baltha-what the fuck?_

The man stands up and walks over to Dean, hand extended for a shake. He wears a low cut v-neck shirt under his velvet blazer.

_What a douche._

Dean takes his hand, shaking it with unnecessary force and says, "Dean Winchester."

"Pleasure. Cassie's told me quite a bit about you," he says with fake smile. And an English fucking accent.

_Great._

"Well I'd hope so, seeing as I'm his best friend," Dean says sassily, finally releasing the death grip on the other man's hand.

"Yes, darling, I know you are. So don't go getting your panties in a twist, I plan on treating him right and all that jazz," Balthazar says with a flowery laugh.

Dean almost punches him in the face.

"Good. Good, glad to hear that," Dean says, with a cold expression and holding eye contact.

Cas steps forward, looking uneasy, Dean can tell he's nervous. Balthazar's arm wraps possessively around Cas' waist, tugging him closer and smiling at him.

"Dean, can you stay a while? Catch up?" Cas asks him, eyes hopeful.

Dean wants to run away screaming right now, his emotions are attending a bloody and brutal field day inside his head. Dean can tell this guy is a pompous asshole that doesn't deserve Cas' acquaintance, let alone his affections. But for whatever reason Cas sees something in him and Dean should at least try to give it a chance. As far as he knows, Cas has never actually dated anyone, something Dean only realizes right at this moment, and he doesn't want to be the one to ruin it. On the other hand, watching this guy put his hands all over Cas makes him crazy and the thought that they might actually be fucking makes Dean want to breathe fire like the world's most jealous dragon.

"Sure, couple minutes can't hurt," Dean says, putting on a happy face and plopping down on the couch.

Cas and Balthazar sit opposite him on the other couch, absolutely zero space between them. Balthazar's hand rests naturally on Cas' thigh, his thumb rubbing gentle circles.

_Is this guy testing him?_

"So, how'd you two meet? I've heard absolutely nothing about _you,_ " Dean says, a satisfied smirk playing across his face. Balthazar must not be that important if Cas has never even mentioned him.

"Oh? Keeping me your dirty little secret are we, Cassie?" He laughs, hand creeping further up Cas' thigh.

"No, it just never really came up. That's all. We met about three months ago at a museum in Topeka," Cas explains.

_Three months ago? Dirty little secret?_

Dean feels sick, has Cas has been hiding this relationship from him? No matter what bullshit life decides to throw at them, Dean is supposed to be his best friend. They should be able to share everything and trust one another completely, but Dean sees now that he all but forced Cas into living a double life, probably afraid of Dean's immature reaction. Dean wonders if Cas has ever hidden any other partners from him before.

"Wow, three months? I had no idea," Dean says, staring deeply at Cas, trying to convey an apology with his eyes.

"Yes, I found Cassie all by his lonesome admiring a rather interesting work of art. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why someone as gorgeous as he, was there alone," Balthazar says, voice smooth like satin.

"He wouldn't leave me alone," Cas says, a goofy smile growing on his face.

"How could I? I went to that museum to appreciate art, and I wasn't about to ignore the most beautiful exhibit there," Balthazar says, kissing Cas' cheek.

Dean is definitely gonna throw up. Cas likes this cheesy romance novel crap?

Cas blushes when Balthazar's lips touch his skin, he looks...happy. Dean needs to go right now, before he fucks up and does something unforgivable.

"It's getting late," Dean says abruptly, rising to his feet. Having only agreed to stay less than five minutes ago, his behavior must be obvious.

"It's eight o'clock," Cas says, smile fading.

"Yeah, well, I got work in the morning," Dean lies.

"Tomorrow is Saturday," Cas points out, following Dean to the door.

"Picked up an extra shift," Dean lies again.

"Dean."

"Ehh, you love birds have fun," he says, avoiding Cas' eyes. 

Balthazar drifts over quietly to stand behind Cas, attaching himself like a magnet.

"Nice to meet you, man," Dean concludes, awkwardly waving good bye to him and pulling the front door shut before either one can reply.

His heart is racing and he needs to calm down. He trudges across the lawn and doesn't even bother going back home, instead he hops right into Baby and heads straight for the Roadhouse.

~

It's Friday night so the bar is packed, which is good, Dean needs a distraction. He spots Ellen and Jo behind the bar as soon as he steps inside and slides onto his usual stool near the edge.

"Evenin', sugar pie," Ellen drawls, wiping the counter with a fresh dish cloth. "What are we drinkin' tonight?" 

"He wants whiskey," Jo answers for him, grinning and already pouring him some of their best. Damn, he loves Jo.

"Thanks, how'd you know?" Dean asks, smiling despite his shitty mood, her smile addicting.

"Dean Winchester, you are an open book! And I ain't illiterate," she cracks back at him.

"So, what's on your mind? Or maybe our little psychic can just answer for you?" Ellen jokes, throwing a saucy look at her daughter.

"Oh, wait, I think I'm gettin' something," Jo says, closing her eyes and placing her fingers to her temple. "He realizes he has to get his pathetic ass out of the house and needs to stop moping around like a kicked puppy," her eyes pop open as she waits for his reaction.

"Joanna Beth!" Ellen scoffs.

But Dean and Jo crack up, a tear slipping from the corner of his eye. He needed that laugh.

"Nah, Aunt Ellen, it's okay, she's right. I haven't been myself lately," Dean says, taking a swig of the amber liquid.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Ellen asks, making three drinks at once for the crowd of people around her.

"He hasn't been on a date in over a year. And I still can't believe he blew off that gorgeous hunk! What was his name? Benny?" Jo says, pouring some pretzels into a basket for him.

"Jo! Let the man talk!" Ellen warns her.

Jo throws up both her hands and says "Alright, I'll shut up. The floor's all yours, Dean."

Jo is right. Sam's misery plus Dean's lack of dating _has_ been making him depressed lately. And especially now that Cas has someone, why shouldn't he get out there again?

"Right again, Jo. Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna introduce myself to someone tonight, I promise. Just gotta dive back in there. Did you guys know Cas is seeing someone?" He blurts out the last part unexpectedly, even surprising himself.

Dean looks up from his glass and catches Ellen and Jo exchanging knowing glances. At that moment the phone rings causing Ellen to say, "I'll get it!" and leaves Jo alone with him.

Jo leans over the counter, bringing her face closer to his, her expression almost sad.

"Is that what this is really about?" she asks, genuinely concerned, all of her previous sassiness erased.

"What? No, I was just wondering if anyone else knew, because he...kinda didn't tell me," Dean says, voice sounding more sad than he intended.

"Yeah, I've met him. English fella, right?" Jo replies, resting her chin in her hands, elbows propped up on the wooden counter top.

"Yeah," Dean says curtly.

So other people know about this Balthazar dick. Cas really has been deliberately hiding it from Dean. The confirmation doesn't make him feel any better.

"Dean-" she starts, but he stops her. He absolutely cannot think about Cas anymore right now, especially with the thought of him being with someone else. Touching, kissing, sucking, fucking.

_NO._

"Look, you gonna help me pick someone out or not?" Dean says roughly, finishing his first drink.

"Whatever, Winchester. You don't need to tell me out loud, I know," she says cockily, pointing to her temple again. 

Dean just shakes his head at her and laughs.

"So, how 'bout one of them?" Jo suggests, gesturing towards a crew of pretty girls who are all half drunk and taking selfies.

"No thanks, don't wanna interrupt girls night," Dean says, continuing to scan the room.

"Hmm, him?" Jo moves on.

"Who, that guy? He looks kinda creepy," Dean says honestly.

She giggles and finally says, "Ooh, what about her?" 

Dean scouts out who she's referring to and he smiles instantly. It's a woman and she's beautiful, sitting by herself in the corner table nursing a beer. From what he can tell, she's got a kickass body too.

"I like her," he says rising quickly.

"Good luck!" Jo calls to him, turning to help another customer.

Dean doesn't know what it is, but for some reason a lot of his old confidence is surging back to him as he strides over to her. He's got a good feeling about this one.

She notices his approach and sits up a little straighter, flashing him a giant smile. She's even more beautiful up close, big brown doe eyes pulling him in.

He opens his mouth to say something and then just laughs embarrassedly. She stares back at him, a mixture of confusion and entertainment on her face.

"You're so beautiful you made me forget my pickup line," Dean admits.

"Are you sure? Because that sounds like a cheesy one liner in itself," she says back, smile growing.

"Caught me," Dean replies, standing there gawking at her.

"So do you have a name?" she asks, taking a sip of her drink.

"Dean. Dean Winchester," flashing his famous wolffish grin. "And what do I call you?"

"Lisa," she replies, tilting her head to the side cutely. "Wanna join me?"

"Hell yeah," Dean says, scooting into the booth next to her.

They talk for over two hours, learning about one another and flirting like teenagers. Dean decides he really likes her, feeling momentarily refreshed and care free. He discovers Lisa is a single mom and has a five year old son named Ben. An unexpected curve ball that took Dean a while to comprehend because her body doesn't look like it ever popped out a kid. Later finding out she's a yoga instructor, it all makes sense. She explains that her sister is watching the kid tonight, allowing her to have a much needed night out. 

Eventually, she begins whispering some raunchy things about positions she's gonna teach him and that's all he needs to hear. Within moments he's driving them to the nearest motel, ready to indulge in a very bendy night. 

After hours and hours of physical bliss, Dean is finally passed out, sleeping next to the olympic gold medalist in friggin' yoga. However, he reluctantly wakes up when he hears his cell phone ringing on the nightstand. He checks the clock as he answers, it's just past four in the morning.

"Deano?" Gabe says weakly. 

_Was he crying?_

Dean jolts up, throwing off the covers, already putting his clothes back on. Because no matter what Gabe ends up telling him, a sniffly call in the middle of the night never turns out well.

"What happened?" Dean chokes out. He can hear Lisa stirring behind him.

"It's Sammy. Meet at the hospital as soon as you can," he says shakily.

"Gabe, what happened?" Dean shouts, Lisa now fully awake, concern etched all over her face.

"Just hurry," he says quietly and hangs up.

"FUCK!" Dean yells, throwing his phone across the room.

"Dean?" Lisa whispers, fear in her voice. 

"I gotta go. My brother's in the hospital," he replies, turning to face her.

"Oh, my god. I'm sorry, what hap-"

"I really hope this isn't the last time I see you," he says truthfully, picking up his semi broken phone and grabbing his keys.

"Me too," she says sadly, as he runs out the door.


	8. Mystery Spot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Drug addiction and overdose. I chose to write this from Gabe's perspective. It's the only chapter like this but I feel like it works pretty well. This takes place on the same night as chapter 7. Btw, I totally love Meg and Ruby, but the story needed some conflict lol

Gabriel Novak  
Age 23

Gabriel can't take it anymore, he has to know. Has to know exactly what Sam is doing and where he's going. The kid looks like absolute shit, worse than a goddamn corpse. Everyone sees it, and no one knows what to do. John has tried everything from yelling, grounding, and attempting to follow him, but nothing works. 

Gabe can guess what he's up to, even if everyone else is too busy riding balls deep in their cozy little states of denial to acknowledge it. It looks like drugs, along with all the super, warm, and fuzzy activities that accompany it. Also, it's the middle of June and Sam's been wearing long sleeves, real slick kid. It breaks Gabe's fucking heart to watch his gorgeous, sexy, smarty pants, Sammy throw his life away. Sam is clever and evasive, Hell bent on following this dangerous and destructive path that nobody is going to get in the way of. Except Gabriel. Gabe decides this ends tonight, Sammy's coming home.

He knows some of Sam's routine now, so after he gets out of class, Gabe sits in his own bedroom, almost creepily staring out the window at the Winchester home, waiting. He waits for over two hours, occupying himself by half studying some eccentric cupcake recipes. It's dark out, past midnight, when he decides Sam must be deviating from the norm and is either staying home tonight or already out. He can see that the light in Sam's bedroom is off, but that doesn't mean anything lately, he prefers the dark now.

He puts down his cookbook, deciding that if he's going hunting he better do it right. He changes into an all black outfit, packing a flashlight and his pocket knife. He even puts on a little black beanie. He hurries down the stairs and is about to leave when he remembers Cassie has his boy toy over. Maybe he can just sneak past without them noticing.

"Gabe?" Cas asks, lifting his head off Balthazar's chest and pausing the movie they're watching.

"Don't mind me, ya little cherubs, I'm just leaving!" Gabe replies, trying to sound convincing.

"Wait, where are you going? It's almost one in the morning," Cas says sleepily.

"And what on Earth are you wearing?" Balthazar adds.

"Is that a flashlight?" Cas presses on.

"Look, I'm not asking what you and Balthy have been up to all night. Because I'm sure it's _just_ as PG as this sweet little Disney movie you're watching. I don't wanna know, you don't wanna know, kinda thing. Capisce?" Gabe thinks quickly.

"What? Nevermind, you're right, I don't wanna know. Just be safe," Cas says, plopping his head back down.

"Will do, baby bro," Gabe says, hoping it's the truth.

As he leaves the house and walks next door, Gabe wonders how long this Balthazar character is gonna last. Cassie and Dean sure are taking their sweet ass time getting their shit together.

_Morons._

Gabe tries to open the Winchester front door but it's locked, which means John and Mary are sleeping already. He gets his keys out and goes inside anyway. He creeps upstairs, trying to be as silent as possible, when he realizes how this must appear. He totally looks like a robber. Please let John and Mary stay in bed, he doesn't have time to explain this one. Oddly enough, this wouldn't even be the most bizarre thing he'd been caught doing in their house.

Dean's bedroom is open and empty, so he continues down the hallway to Sam's, finding it deserted as well. Sam's been out the whole time. Okay, so this was a total bust. Moving on.

He walks around the neighborhood for a long while, looking for nothing in particular, just hoping for some sort of clue. Checking his watch, he groans when he sees its half past two now. He's come full circle, ending up right back where he started. 

"C'mon, kid, gimme something to go on," he thinks out loud.

That's when he notices her. Meg is striding down the sidewalk, pace quick and determined. Gabe has definitely seen Sam hanging around with Ruby recently, maybe Meg could lead him to their mystery spot.

Gabe is stealthy, following not too closely but never losing sight of her. His heart is racing, so much is weighing on his success, he _needs_ to save Sammy. It's about a fifteen minute walk before Meg reaches her destination, an abandoned old warehouse on the corner of Cross Road. Gabe hangs back to plan his next move, watching her slink inside. 

A paralyzing panic hits him. If Sam is in there with them, it really is as bad as he thought. There can be absolutely nothing good happening in there. Nothin'. A part of Gabe still hopes that it isn't what it seems, that maybe Sam is just a sudden movie whore and goes to the theatre every night. Or maybe he's newly devoted to feeding homeless people and rescuing kittens. Not this. Why the fuck did it have to be this?

Gabriel gathers every ounce of his courage and enters the building. Holy fuck, this place is truly disgusting, it smells like literal death. The only source of light is from some dingy candles, illuminating the very filthy and terrifying route. He turns a corner and the sight he sees almost makes him cry right on the spot. 

Sam is flat on the floor, and Gabe prays to God he's just passed out, because he looks fucking dead. Ruby sits next to him, looking worse than her usual gross with her hands in his hair. She's massaging him gently with a drugged out smile on her evil bitch face. There's a plethora of needles, lighters, and spoons littered on the floor, the finishing touches of this fucked up scene.

Gabe runs to him, pushing Ruby away and collapsing at his side.

"SAMMY? Jesus fuck, no no no!" Gabe shouts, grabbing his shoulders and trying to sit him up.

"What the fuck, Gabe, get outta here!" Meg screeches at him.

"What did you fuckers do to him? What is this shit, heroin?" he asks, looking at one of the needles near Sam.

"Fuck you, we didn't do anything. He came to _us_ months ago. Looks like goody two shoes Sammy isn't quite the angel you thought he was," Ruby slurs, sitting back up from when Gabe had pushed her.

"Sam! C'mon, kiddo, please please please wake up!" Gabe begs, tears forming. 

When Gabe notices the dirty old belt wrapped tightly around his upper arm, he scrambles to take it off, tossing it away and placing his ear to Sam's chest. He can barely hear anything. He checks his nose, he's not breathing.

"Get the fuck out of here before I kill you. Both of you!" Gabe threatens them, when Ruby tries wiggle her way back. Gabe never realized he could feel anger like this.

"He's fine, this happens sometimes. He always wakes up," one of them says, Gabe doesn't care enough to know which. He can't believe what he's hearing, this has happened before?

Autopilot taking over, Gabe dials the police, not even remembering what he says to them. Heeding his warning, Meg and Ruby leave before the help arrives, leaving Gabe alone with his dying friend. Before he knows it, the ambulance is there and people are pulling him off Sam's limp body. 

They allow Gabe to ride in the ambulance with him, holding onto his hand the whole way. The tears won't stop. This kid has no idea what he's doing to him, to their entire families. They almost lost him a year ago and now maybe again. Gabe looks him over, first thing he notices is how Sam's normally beautiful, pink, full lips are now shriveled and slightly blue. His left arm is speckled with a few tiny holes that he'd been covering up with his out of place sweaters. And his hair is maybe worst of all. Once long and smooth like liquid silk, it now lay dirty and dried up. 

Gabe's brain is in a full state of shock and he simply can't get himself to do anything but stare at Sam's broken image. He knows he's gonna have to call everyone soon. Maybe just Dean for now. He settles on calling him as soon as they get to the hospital.

~

The world should never be so cruel that Dean's voice could achieve that level of worried and scared. Nobody should have to go through this, especially not good people like all of them. Gabe doesn't tell him much, he can't say the words out loud.

After the doctors tell Gabe that Sam is now conscious, he flies to his side and plants himself on the very uncomfortable chair next to the hospital bed, becoming lost in thought of what could have been. What if he chose to look for Sammy tomorrow night? How could they have gotten this lucky? It's horrifying to think he's been using for months, but tonight he must have taken more than his usual to reach this level up fucked up.

The doctors pump him full of whatever anti heroin potion they have stashed here and say he's gonna be okay. The two of them don't say much to one another yet, Sam is crying silently and refuses to look Gabe in the eyes.

"So, should we get you a time share or something? This your new yearly vacation home? Can't say I agree with the decor, but-" Gabe starts rambling.

"Gabriel, please. Not in the mood," Sam whispers.

"You're not in the mood? Well, I'm not in the mood for you to DIE," Gabe retorts.

"You don't understand."

"No, I get it. Mistakes happen, life sucks, your happy meal came without a goddamn toy." 

"I wanted to die." 

Gabe is about to reply with some smartass remark, when he realizes what Sam just admitted.

"You wanted to...what?"

"Why did I survive and she didn't?" he starts sobbing.

Sam's crying sends physical pain through Gabe's body, so he stands up and moves closer to him. He brushes the hair out of his eyes and comforts him. Gabe lets him cry it out for the next few minutes, knowing he needs to release all the stress his body's been hoarding for months.

"Shh, I know, it's not fair. But Jess definitely wouldn't have wanted you to die too," Gabe says, squeezing his frail hand.

"That doesn't make it better."

"You're right, it doesn't," Gabe pauses for a while, thinking of something meaningful to say. "Sam, you're life is sooo worth living. How can I convince you that you matter? I mean, you're Sam fucking Winchester! The world needs you, we all need you. Please, never ever do this again. Promise me, no promise yourself."

There's silence for a long time, Sam just stares at the ceiling while Gabe sits quietly, content to stay there with him. Sam finally responds by returning a gentle squeeze to Gabe's hand and whispering "Okay."

Gabe feels lightheaded from the relief washing over him. They're not out of the woods yet, but this is definitely a good sign.

"How did you find me?" Sam asks.

"I dressed up like a ninja and ran circles all over Lawrence for more than two hours," Gabe replies. He doesn't even mean it to sound funny, because it actually is the God's honest truth.

_Yeah, real great plan, Novak._

Sam finally makes eye contact with him, glassy hazel orbs melting into the golden ones above him. They hold each other's gaze for a moment when slowly a feeble smile creeps it's way onto his face. He chokes out a small giggle.

 

Sam's laugh is pure sunshine after a year of complete darkness. Gabe feels his heart blow up. Suddenly, Sam is much more than a little brother, much more than his life long friend. He's someone he'd die for. Someone he loves more than all the candy in the universe.

Gabe thinks back to the original time he laid eyes on the kid. Just a tiny little squirt, sleeping in Mary's arms. It's hard to remember things from that long ago, but not that, Gabe can remember every second of how happy baby Sammy looked back up at him for the first time. His feelings are fighting for freedom, finally rebelling against all the times Gabe had shoved them down. Sure, he's had _plenty_ of sex before, but never has he allowed himself to fall in love. Chumps who fell in love got hurt, and Gabe didn't need that thank you very much. He thinks about his brother and Dean, two idiots pining for each other in misery for twenty years. Yeah, that looks like super fucking fun. But right now, Gabe is losing the war, Sam stole his heart long ago, only just now is he realizing it.

"You saved me," he smiles, one last tear slipping down his face.

"Damn right I did, Samsquatch. But it was purely for selfish reasons. I'm a hero now! People love heroes," Gabe teases him.

Sam laughs again.

_Oh, my chocolate covered cranberries, that sound is addicting!_

"Thank you," he says holding out his arms for a hug.

Gabe leans down awkwardly, hugging someone who is laying down is no easy feat. Sam uses whatever strength he has left in his damaged body to pull Gabe into the bed with him. This is probably against all the rules but Gabe smiles regardlessly and snuggles in.

"Anytime, kiddo. You're gonna be okay."

Half hour later the family starts trickling in and Gabe extracts himself from Sam's giant paws. News travels fast, he'd only called Dean, yet remarkably every Novak, Winchester, and Singer is present. Despite it being four something in the morning, they all come. Family don't end with blood.


	9. You Said You'd Never Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot's of angst and a nervous breakdown.

Dean Winchester  
Age 24

Dean is at the grocery store, walking up and down the same aisles repeatedly forgetting what he needs to grab. Aunt Ellen has given him a list, but it's as if he's forgotten how to read. Dean is so distracted lately, even the most mundane tasks have become impossibly difficult. He's injured himself at the shop on multiple occasions, promising John and Uncle Bobby he's okay and that it won't happen again.

He should feel happy, over the past two years life has gotten completely back on track. Thanks to Gabe, Sam gets his act together and finally went away to Stanford. Dean feels immeasurable guilt over the fact that it wasn't him who saved his little brother from the pit he'd been sinking into. It's something he'll never ever forgive himself for. How could he have not seen the extent to which he was suffering? 

Plus, Dean has Lisa. Loving, caring, sweetheart Lisa. She didn't shy away from his abrupt exit on their first night together, instead she sought him out at the shop a couple days later to see how he was holding up. For some reason, Dean allows himself to open up to her, developing feelings and entering into a relationship. Also, Dean has become rather close with her now seven year old son, Ben. She keeps hinting that Dean should move in with them, but for some reason he continually shrugs it off. He can't shake the feeling that he's not enough for them. He cares deeply for her, but knows something feels off. She deserves someone who will love her fully and wholeheartedly, something Dean's pretty sure he just can't do. So instead of dealing with these enormously important issues, Dean let's everything linger, simply going through the motions of living a happy life.

The reason he's at the store is because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the gathering is at the Singer house this year. After an hour too long, he finds everything Ellen requests and heads towards Baby, arms full of heavy shopping bags. At least Sam will be home when he gets back, finally on break from school. Dean misses him so much.

The next day starts out well, Dean helps Mary prepare some of her specialty platters, planning on bringing them over to Bobby's later. He also spends some quality time with Sammy, watching the morning parade together and drinking a couple beers. 

Dean's ashamed to admit it, but he isn't looking forward to the festivities. The Balthazar issue has become unbearable, Dean really can't stand to be in the same room as him, let alone play nice. On more than one occasion things almost came to blow between them. Whether it's because of one of his snobby comments or simply the way he touches Cas, Dean has to control himself from beating the shit out of him at nearly every family function. The consensus is that nobody likes him, yet they don't want to be disrespectful, so he's family until Cas says otherwise. The thing that bugs Dean most is how Balthazar looks at Cas, like he's just a piece of meat to be devoured. Cas deserves more than that.

Once Lisa and Ben arrive, they all march next door, bursting down the door and making themselves at home. The house is filled with a sound of happy clatter. Loud conversations, the blaring football game, and the nonstop cooking all coming together as the source.

Dean immediately seeks out Cas, he hasn't seen him in a few days and it's like running on empty. Cas always recharges his batteries, keeping him motivated throughout his life, and like an addict, Dean needs his fix. 

He finds him in the kitchen with the cooking club. He's talking to a frantic Gabriel, who is fussing over something in the oven. Dean actually sighs in relief because it's such a refreshing sight to see Cas without his pompous shadow.

"Hey, Cas," Dean says, squeezing into the kitchen.

"Dean," he says, before even looking up from the stove. Cas smiles and attempts to move towards him, but at the last second jumps out of the way of an incoming moose.

Sam pounces on Gabe, knocking over an empty pot, causing a loud bang that causes the whole kitchen to jump. Sam is squeezing the life out of him, hands lost in his hair, nose nuzzling his cheek affectionately...

_Uh?_

"I take it you missed me?" Gabe gasps, trying to breathe.

"You bet," Sam replies, finally releasing his grip, and gazing down at him.

"OKAY, EVERYONE OUT! This is a kitchen not a train station!" Ellen yells, and everyone scrams like fearful rats.

Out in the hallway, Dean is about to reclaim his moment with Cas when an arrogant rain cloud pours down on his parade. 

"Darling, there you are! Come, I'm engaging a very interesting topic of conversation with your father about his most recent book. I told him if my people contact his people..." Balthazar trails off and pulls Cas away with him.

Cas gives Dean a sad expression and mouths "Sorry," before disappearing into the living room.

_What does Balthazar even do for a living?_

Dean realizes that in two years, he's never even bothered to find out. He needs a beer.

After a full fifteen minutes of Ellen and Mary trying to round everyone up at the table, Becky starts shouting and scaring everyone into sitting the fuck down. Dean sits between Sam and Lisa, with Cas across from him. The food looks spectacular and Dean can't wait to dive in. On Sam's other side sits Gabe, the two becoming recently inseparable. 

"Before we eat, I'd like to make an announcement!" Gabe pipes up.

Everyone falls silent and waits, this could be actual serious news, but knowing Gabe it's more likely some ridiculous scheme to mess with them. Dean notices Sam reach for Gabe's hand, squeezing it under the table and smiling at him encouragingly.

_Wait, what is going on with them?_

"Okay, here goes. In a few short months, I, Mr. Gabriel Novak, will be opening up a brand spankin' new shiny bakery!" Gabe reveals, standing up to take a bow.

A massive amount of clapping, cheering, and squealing erupt from the crowd of people in the room. Everyone jumps up and runs over to him, showering him with praise and affection. Dean is so happy for him. This is absolutely amazing, he really did it. Dean remembers the conversation the four of them had as children, fantasizing about what they wanted to be when they grew up and now here they all are, making it happen. Dean has the auto shop, Cas is a CPA, and Sammy's on his way to law school. Most people can only wish to be so lucky to accomplish their dreams, Dean is proud of them.

Once they all settle back into their seats, the conversation consists mainly of questions for Gabe and raving about the wonderful food. As the hours continue to pass, Dean starts to feel like maybe things aren't so bad. Maybe Dean is happy. 

_Wrong._

It's time for desert when they all reconvene in the dining room, Dean sits back down and stares at Cas across from him. They've haven't spoken at all today, except for that half ass greeting in the kitchen. Sticking with tradition, Cas stares back, so many important things remain left unsaid between them. But Dean cannot stop looking at him, it's like this is the only thing that's allowed now. Trying to greedily soak up Cas' image before it's whisked away again.

There's a viscous cycle that Dean has recently become used to and it returns with a vengeance right now. Step one: Convince himself he's happy with Lisa. Step Two: Lock eyes with Cas, making step one go to shit. Step Three: Drown in overwhelming guilt. Step Four: Refer to step one.

Balthazar, never more than a few steps away from Cas, slides next to him but doesn't sit down. 

"Excuse me, without stealing any of Gabriel's thunder, I too have something I would like to say in front of you all," Balthazar says, attracting everyone's undivided attention.

Dean groans under his breath. What possibly could this big bag of dicks have to say to all of them? If it's some mushy declaration of his love for Cas or an admission of gooey feelings about being part of the family, Dean swears he's gonna gag.

"As you all know, Cassie and I have been together for over two years. Two amazing, fun, and extraordinary years. I love him ever so dearly, and that's why I want more," he pauses.

This isn't fucking happening right now. Balthazar is not about to ask Cas to marry him. Please, let it be anything but that. Dean glances back over to Cas, he's white as a ghost and still staring at Dean. 

"Castiel, will you do me the highest honor of becoming my beautiful husband?" Balthazar says, predictably. He holds out a sleek black ring as he drops to his knee. There is nothing personal or special about the proposal, just an ordinary almost scripted question. 

The room is painfully silent. Dean feels numb. The family looks at Cas, and then they all seem to land their eyes on Dean as well. Why is everyone looking at _him?_ Cas is stunned and almost scowling. He seems to snap out of his 'staring at Dean' trance, finally looking at Balthazar and the ring. He smiles lightly and breathes out "Yes." 

It's an underwhelming applause, but everyone celebrates the moment just the same. Dean watches as that bastard slides the ring up Cas' finger, sealing the deal that he's gone forever. Dean doesn't risk moving or saying anything because he knows it's either going to induce rage or tears, neither of which are appropriate right now.

Balthazar rises off the floor to kiss him, and Dean just shuts his eyes for it. Lisa is next to him, he feels her grab his hand, comforting him. It's like she knows. Dean feels like a terrible fucking person. 

Now he suddenly needs to move, needs to get as far away from this table as possible. There's way too many people around him. He stands quietly, hoping to slip out unnoticed with all the congratulatory commotion. He leaves through the front door and walks as far as he can back over to his house before leaning down and vomiting in the bushes by the porch. 

"Dean?" Lisa whispers, apparently having followed him.

"Lis, I'm sorry, so fuckin' sorry," Dean says brokenly, wiping his mouth and steadying himself.

"Come here. Stand up and look at me. Please," she requests.

He does what she asks and looks at her with a pathetic expression.

"I think it's time we actually talk about what's going on," Lisa demands.

"What do you mean?" he asks, terrified of the answer.

"Do you love me?" she blurts outs quickly, yet her voice remains calm.

"Babe, what kind of question-"

"Dean, do you love me?" she persists.

"Yes, but-"

"Not like you love him," Lisa finishes the sentence Dean would never be able to.

He has no words, she covered it all, quickly and efficiently. How can she be so cool about this? Where's the screaming and the fighting and the blaming? Instead, she pulls him into a hug, holding onto him and pressing her lips softly to his cheek. 

"How-"

"Dean, if I can see it, I know for a fact that everyone else in that room can too," she whispers.

"So fuckin' sorry," he chokes again.

"It's okay," is all she whispers before starting to cry weakly.

He wraps his arms around her even tighter and buries his face in her neck, a few tears of his own start leaking out.

They both know this is the last embrace they'll ever share together, but they also know they both deserve more, deserve someone who truly loves them.

~

The next couple months are pure agony, Dean feels hollow. As expected, Cas eventually asks him to be his best man, wanting help with the planning and arrangements. Of course Dean says yes, even if it is through gritted teeth. 

Lisa never tells anyone about their scene on the front lawn that night of Thanksgiving, she keeps her cool for the rest of the night and pretends all is well when they go back inside.

A few days later, Dean tells his family that he and Lisa broke it off, coming up with some excuse he can't even remember. 

Now, it's the afternoon before New Years Eve and Dean and Cas are sitting in Balthazar's apartment, filing out save the dates.

_How did this become his life?_

"So, can I see it?" Dean asks, placing another envelope in the finished pile.

"See what?" Cas replies, looking up at him.

"Your ring," Dean says quietly, the urge coming out of no where.

"Um, sure," is all he says before holding out his hand.

Dean grabs Cas' hand to get a better look, gently touching his finger and turning it at different angles to see all sides of the ring. Dean hates it. Mostly for what it represents, but also because it's just all wrong. Dean imagines the ring he would have picked out for Cas, searching the ends of the Earth to find a stone that matched the exact color of his eyes. Lost in his delusions, he doesn't notice that now he's just massaging Cas hand sensually.

"Dean, don't," Cas breathes, pulling his hand away.

The air is thick with tension as they both force themselves back to writing out the envelopes. 

"Any reason the wedding is so soon?" Dean says after minutes of painful silence.

Cas stops writing and looks at him, his expression scares the shit out of Dean, whatever he's about to say it's not good.

"Listen, Dean, I have to tell you something and I've been putting it off for a while," Cas starts to explain.

"What?" Dean says, continuing to write down the next address, most likely doing it wrong.

"Balthazar wants to move back to England," the words cutting through Dean like a knife in his gut.

"Oh, good for him," Dean says, emotionlessly.

"And I'll be going with him. After the wedding," the knife twists, making sure he's mortally wounded.

"That's nice. Happy for you," he says placing a mangled envelope in the pile and grabbing the next one.

"Dean-" Cas starts.

"Cassie! I'm going, I have to catch that eight o'clock flight out of here. I've already missed the five," Balthazar swoops in placing a quick kiss on Cas forehead.

He's bundled up in his fancy coat and holding a small suitcase, apparently leaving for a trip.

"Okay," Cas says, faking a smile.

"I expect you'll be done with these soon and send them out right away," he orders, grabbing his keys and stopping at the door.

"Yes, of course," Cas croaks.

He lowers his sunglasses and says "Oh, and cupcake? Please put some effort into working on that song, we're running out of time," he blows one last kiss to him before leaving. He doesn't even acknowledge Dean.

 _Song?_ Dean thinks, as he finally bleeds out.

"You're writing a song?" Dean asks, shakily.

"Yes, it's for the wedding, but I can't seem to get started," Cas admits.

A single tear slips down his face and lands on his latest envelope, smudging the ink. Dean is trying rub off the mess with his hands, only making it worse.

"Oh no! Sorry, I think I ruined this one," Dean laughs a little, although more tears are forming.

"Dean, stop that, please! Let's just talk-" Cas begs, voice desperate.

"Nothin' to talk about," Dean laughs again, getting up and gathering his belongings. He knocks into the table, causing the invites and envelopes to fall to the floor. 

Dean drops down, attempting to scoop up as many as he can. Cas bends down with him, stopping him and grabbing Dean's shoulders. 

"It's fine, Cas, I got it! It's fine!" he shouts, trying to pull away from him.

"Look at me!" Cas yells, shaking him.

Dean looks at him, their eye contact shattering him.

"You said you'd never leave me! And now you're leavin' me in every goddamn way possible! Cas, why?" Dean wails.

Cas is sputtering gibberish, but Dean's not listening. 

"I gotta go, I'm sorry for ruining these. I'll see you tomorrow," Dean says, racing to the door.

"You think I'm gonna let you drive like this? Dean!" Cas shouts, following him outside.

Dean blocks him out and hops in the drivers seat, speeding away towards home. He just needs to lie down and sleep. Everything will be better tomorrow.


	10. When I See You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place the very next day on New Years Eve. First stop: Nostalgia City! Then more FEELINGS and finally some smut!

Dean Winchester  
Age 24

Dean spends the previous night and most of the next day face down in his pillow, wallowing in self pity. He hates himself for letting things get this horribly messed up. Why didn't he just tell Cas how he felt about him when they were sixteen years old, young and untainted by all the garbage life had in store for them?

He rolls onto the floor and sticks his hand under the bed, reaching for his special box. Because what's a little more pain matter when you're already dead. The first picture he finds is when Dean finally mastered riding his bike, Cas hadn't given up on teaching him. The two of them are riding down the street in front of their houses, Dean thinks he remembers John taking the picture.

Next one is a close up of Dean and Cas hugging and smashing their faces together, they couldn't have been more than seven years old. Dean is missing one of his front teeth and he remembers begging Cas to help him get it out. Dean couldn't stand the endless wiggling, and Cas not able to deny him anything, ripped it out for him.

He moves on to the next one, it's of the family vacation to Hershey Park when they were nine. Dean actually laughs through the tears with this one, everything about it is funny. Gabe is mid jump holding a rainbow lollipop larger than his entire head. He'd been a nightmare that whole trip, high on sugar and practically vibrating with energy. The world isn't strong enough to handle Gabriel Novak at Chocolate World. He shifts his focus to Sammy, he's scream crying because he isn't tall enough to ride The Comet. Then there's Dean and Cas, posed in some ridiculous back to back pose and making finger guns, apparently still in their James Bond phase. Dean can remember being terrified of the roller coasters and remembering how he even hated the plane they took to Pennsylvania. Cas loves everything about flying, glued to the plane window and bouncing with excitement upon seeing the large rides. Convincing Dean to fly with him, Cas held his hand tightly on all the rides and made him feel safe. He never judged him or made fun of him, instead he helped him, demonstrating his love even at this age. Dean returns to the photo and sees little Jo on top of Bobby's shoulders with Ellen at his side, Becky is shouting something at Gabe, and Chuck is holding a cocktail. John and Mary are in the center of the photo, laughing and hugging each other. They look so in love. This might be Dean's favorite picture.

He sifts through so many more from the seemingly endless pile, coming accross pumpkin picking, garage sales, birthdays, graduation and Cas is there through all of it. The last picture in the pile is one that Cas would kill him if he ever finds out Dean still has it. Cas is seventeen and it's during the hottest summer they'd had in years. Gabe snuck a picture of Cas practicing his harp wearing nothing but his tight navy blue boxer briefs. He's sweaty and his legs are spread wide, completely believing that he was alone in the house. Now that Dean looks back at this picture, he realizes how unbelievably sexy Cas looks. At the time, it was simply funny and entertaining because of how mad Cas was at Gabe, but now Dean suddenly wants Cas to play his harp naked all the time. Scratch that, _this_ is his favorite picture.

However, this photo reminds Dean of how much he misses his song, Cas hasn't played it for him in ages. 

Looking at these pictures, he realizes that he's been in love with Cas long before sixteen years old. It's been _always._ Dean is supposed to be the one marrying him.

Dean is trapped, he wants to confess everything, needs to get this all off his chest, but who is he to fuck up Cas' life at this point? It's now nine at night and Dean has done nothing with his day. He's supposed to go over to the Novak's for the New Years Party, but he can't bring himself to move or get cleaned up. Suddenly, a loud knock at the door makes Dean jump as if he's been caught doing something wrong, but he can't find the willpower to try and put anything away.

"Dean, I'm coming in," says Sam's muffled voice. He slowly opens the door and slips in, closing it behind him. "Brought you a care package."

In one hand, Sam's holding a bacon cheeseburger on a paper plate, while his other hand contains a fresh beer. Dean smiles but doesn't say anything, he just holds out his arms and waits for Sam to deliver to him. It smells wonderful, especially since he still hasn't eaten anything at all that day yet.

"One condition," Sam says, dangling the meal just out of reach.

_Bastard._

"Saaaaaaam," Dean whines like they're children again.

"You go talk to Cas tonight. This is so beyond stupid, Dean," Sam scoffs at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean mopes.

"Seriously? You're gonna make me say it?" Sam laughs.

"Say what?"

"DUDE! You fucking love him! Like, gross Titanic love him."

"Sam, I can't. He's happy and getting married and I missed my chance. It's too late, I-" Dean babbles, trying to grab the plate.

"Look, I don't know if Cas really loves Balthazar or not, but I'm willing to bet it's nothing compared to how he feels about you. And if I'm wrong, well, at least you tried and can finally move on. Because, Dean, _this_ has got to stop," Sam says, gesturing to the current state of Dean and his environment.

Dean thinks about it for a minute. Is he really that obvious? First, Jo, then Lisa, now Sam. Does literally everyone around him know about his stupid soul crushing love for Cas? Maybe he's right, just get it all out there and see what happens. Because it can't be worse than what he's feeling right now.

"Okay, fine. Now gimme my burger," Dean says with a weak smile. 

"Ugh, thank God! I thought it was gonna be so much harder than that," Sam sighs, handing him the food.

Dean rolls his eyes at his brother and takes the first bite, groaning with exaggerated pleasure.

"You hangin' out over there too tonight?" Dean says with his mouth full.

"Uh, actually, Gabe and I are going to a different party," Sam says, smiling dreamily.

"Oh."

"It's just...we wanted to go to a party that's not with...our parents." 

"Yeah, no I get it!" It never really occurred to Dean how often they party with their parents. Whatever. "So, are you guys like-"

"I don't know!" Sam literally giggles.

"Jeez, ya friggin' girl! Now who's the obvious one?" Dean replies laughing.

"Shut up! I'm gonna meet him now and Mom and Dad are already over there with everyone, so you should get going too. But shower first. Please," Sam says, standing and heading toward the door.

"Hey, Sammy?" Dean says, stopping him.

"Mm?"

"Thank you. For food, for ending my pity party, for just everything. I love you, man," Dean says honestly.

"I thought you said no chick flick moments?" he says back, grinning wickedly.

"Get out," Dean says as they both crack up.

Dean hears him reply faintly with, "Love you too," as he walks farther away down the hallway.

Dean scarfs down the rest of his bacon heart attack, showers, and walks next door with a new pep in his step.

~

When Dean walks inside he sees all the adults lounging on the couch, watching poor old Dick Clark present the Times Square celebration in New York City for the millionth year in a row. Jo is working at the bar tonight, claiming the tips would be too good to refuse. And Cas must be in his room, so Dean greets everyone and hurries to find him.

Dean pushes the door open, revealing a miserable looking lump snug tightly under his blanket.

"Cas?"

He perks up at the sound of his name and sits cross legged, bunching the blanket into a big ball on his lap.

"Why are you here?" Cas says coldly.

"Uh, because it's New Years Eve and there's a party at your house. You're mom made pigs in a blanket and Twilight Zone is marathoning on the Scifi channel so if you want we can-"

"Dean, what the fuck are we doing?" Cas stares at him, but not with his usual smoldering eyes, instead they look like icy daggers.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what have we been doing our whole lives? What do you want from me?"

Dean panics. This _is_ why he came over here, but now that it's happening he wants it to stop. He wants to go back to avoiding everything like they always do and pretend it's all sunshine and rainbows. Why is this so difficult?

Dean moves to sit on the bed with him. He takes a deep breath and remembers his conversation with Sam earlier, the thought calms him down significantly.

"I want everything from you," Dean confesses.

Cas stays silent and just observes Dean, studying him for a signal on how to proceed. Dean knows he's gonna have to do a lot better than that one sentence to make Cas understand.

_Here goes nothing._

"Don't marry Balthazar."

"Why?"

"Because I hate the way he looks at you."

"And what exactly about how he looks at me offends you so much?"

"He looks at you, but he doesn't actually see you."

"And you 'see' me?"

"Yeah, actually, I do. Because when I see you I can picture the gentle way you care for the all the tiny little bees. I can see the way the corners of your eyes get all crinkly when you smile that big, beautiful, dorky smile. I can see the adorable way your head tilts to one side when your confused. I can see the way the sunlight hits your face just right when you're riding next to me in the Impala, givin' me goosebumps. I can see the way you've always watched out for me and protected me, never giving up on me. I can feel the way your hand fits perfectly inside mine like when we watched the fireworks as kids. I can smell the way your hair was scented like cookies on our first Christmas together. I can hear the way you passionately play our beautiful song that you wrote just for me. So obviously, he can't possibly see what I see when I look at you. Cas, when I see you, I re-fall in love each and every time," Dean finishes his speech and wipes away the tears he didn't even know were running down his face.

The anger on Cas' face is gone, replaced with a ruined expression that leaves his eyes watery and lips parted slightly.

"Dean, why? Why haven't you told me any of this before? It seemed like every time we got close to crossing this line you pushed me away. I had no idea what to think! All I knew is that I couldn't lose you, so I kept my mouth shut and let you take the lead. I was prepared to remain as just your friend forever, no matter what pain it caused me, because any relationship with you is better than none," Cas responds, voice cracking as he holds back his own tears.

"I was terrified, Cas. This thing between us, it's not normal and it scares the shit out of me. I don't think most other people are even capable of feeling close to what I feel for you. So I buried it. Now I see how stupid that was, so much time wasted," Dean says, wiping the single tear that is now leaking from the corner of Cas' eye. Dean lets his hand linger on his face for a moment and cups his cheek. Cas presses into it, closing his eyes and relaxing.

"We were both stupid," Cas finally responds with, eyes popping back open.

"Yeah. Anyway, now it's your turn to tell me what you want from me. If you love him, I'll go. You're still my best friend and that will never change. But if it's not too late for me and you, tell me now," Dean says, lowering his hand from Cas' face. 

"I love you, Dean. I always have. Even when we were only five years old, I knew that I simply enjoyed being near you. But there were so many times growing up that I felt physically sick with heartache. When we kissed on that Halloween and you said all those wild things, it gave me such cruel hope, only for you to make it very clear that it was just a huge mistake. Dean, that nearly killed me the next day." 

"I'd say sorry, but I know that wouldn't even cover the half of it."

Cas stays quiet while he uncovers his left hand from the blanket mound and looks down at it. There's no ring on his finger.

_There's no ring on his finger!?_

"Yesterday was a bad day, Dean. After you left like that, I got in my car and met Balthazar at the airport. I told him we needed to talk and that I wasn't happy with certain things. He wouldn't even listen to me, saying he needed to go and we could talk when he got back. I realized that whether or not things ever worked out between you and I, Balthazar was not my happy ending. I handed him the ring and left him at the gate."

Every cell in Dean's body is doing the conga right now. Cas left Balthazar! And it's because he wanted to, not just because Dean finally barfed up all his feelings for him! Dean doesn't say anything, just let's his famous Winchester smile spreads across his face like wildfire.

"I tell you I had a shit day and you're grinning like you've just won the lotto," Cas says, pretending to be offended.

"That's because I did," Dean says, grabbing Cas' naked hand. Cas reluctantly responds with that goofy, crinkle eyed smile, making Dean swell with satisfaction. "I knew you'd never be able to resist this face!" Dean teases him and Cas rolls his eyes laughing.

"I'm gonna kiss you now. And it's not gonna be because of alcohol, or grief, or any other bullshit. It's gonna be because I love you and I want you," Dean says, leaning closer to him.

"Okay," Cas nods, face already swimming with lust. 

Dean curls his hand around the back of Cas' neck and pulls him forward, bringing their lips together in a gently yet still heated way. It's as if this is actually the first time they're kissing, their mouths conducting a pure feeling of togetherness and unity that makes Dean almost dizzy. Cas wraps his arms around him, pulling Dean closer and closer until they fall backwards, landing Cas flat on his back. 

They stay like this for a long time, both aroused but in absolutely no rush. Dean is content to kiss, lick, and taste every inch of Cas' mouth like this for eternity. Cas however, is starting to get restless, panting and making the sweetest little noises. Dean lines their cocks up and grinds against him through the fabric, eliciting a much louder moan from him. After too many minutes of dry humping like teenagers, Dean suddenly needs more, he at least needs to get these clothes off.

"Cas?" Dean grunts.

"Ahh, yeah?" he breathes back, voice already wrecked.

"Let's make love. Right now. I wanna make love to you so bad," Dean can barely say the words without crying again. This emotional crap better stop soon.

"Parents. In the next room," Cas chokes out.

"Don't care. We'll be quiet," Dean whispers, nipping his ear.

"Dean, if you stick your dick in my ass right now, I'm gonna be moaning louder than a porn star," Cas jokes.

"Oh, fuck. Please tell me that's a promise," Dean says, moving his lips along Cas' neck and jaw.

"Deeeeeean, not here!" Cas whines.

"Okay, let's go back to my room. Nobody's over there," Dean suggests.

Cas agrees and they unwillingly pull apart, slowly regaining enough composure to walk past the living room in front of their family. They almost make it out of the house without a conversation but Becky is too quick.

"Wait, where are you two going? It's only ten minutes 'til the ball drops!" 

"Uh, just need some fresh air, Mom. Gonna take a walk," Cas replies.

Dean looks at Cas' sexed up hair and rosy cheeks, and almost laughs at how obvious they are. He catches Mary's eye and sees her sitting there looking more smug than the cat that caught the damn canary. 

"We'll be back soon," Dean lies, hoping to spend hours and hours worshiping Cas' gorgeous body.

Unbeknownst to them, as soon as the door slams shut Bobby breaks the silence with a quiet, "Idjits," causing them all to holler with laughter. Except John. John is still oblivious.

~

As soon as they reach Dean's bedroom, any of the gentle tenderness from before is out the window. They roughly rip at each other's clothes, knocking over half the things piled on top of Dean's dresser. Their shirts are first to go. Dean has seen Cas shirtless a billion times, but this time it's different, this time he gets to touch. Both his hands immediately find his pecs, rubbing small circles over his already hard nipples. Cas puffs his chest out and groans as he throws his head back, responding so sensitively to Dean's touch.

"Wanna taste you," Dean growls, pushing Cas against the wall so hard that a picture frame jumps off. Already unzipped, Dean pulls Cas' pants and underwear down, letting them fall to his ankles, fully exposing his cock.

"Want me to put my mouth on you, Cas? Want me to suck you 'til you're screamin' and comin' down my throat?" Dean says, sloppily panting into Cas' open mouth. 

"On your knees, Winchester," Cas orders, with a cocky smile, his voice deep and commanding.

_Oh, fuck, that's hot._

Dean drops down and looks at the large, leaking, cock in front of him, debating on how to start. Although he's wanted to, he's never actually sucked a dick before. Cas senses his dilemma and combs his hands through Dean's hair, thumb caressing his left cheek.

"It's okay, go slow. Open," he says, thumb moving to brush Dean's bottom lip.

Dean opens his mouth and stares up at him, never breaking eye contact as Cas erotically feeds him his heavy cock. He wraps his lips around the head and just holds it there, getting used to the taste and feel. His tongue swirls over the tip and pokes gently at the slit, soaking up the precum that's formed there. Dean moans when he drinks it, nothing has ever tasted so good. 

"More, Dean."

He slides his mouth forward slowly, taking in most of the length, getting it nice and wet with his saliva. Instinct taking over, Dean starts bobbing his head faster, hands moving to cup both Cas' ass cheeks. 

"So perfect for me," Cas gasps, holding his gaze and thrusting slightly.

Dean starts sucking with more pressure, eagerly wanting to bring him to the edge, ready to taste his release. One of Dean's hands snakes it's way around to massage Cas' balls, while the other hand begins pumping the base of his cock to the same rhythm as his mouth. He begs Cas with his eyes, silently asking him to fill him up. 

"Oh, oh, oh, DEAN, YES!" Cas screams as he finally gives Dean what he wants. Dean thinks it doesn't even matter that they went next door. His parents, along with the rest of the neighborhood, definitely heard that. 

Dean swallows it down greedily, lapping up any remainder before pulling off and standing back up.

"Cas, that was the hottest fuckin' thing I've ever done," he says, kissing him again. Cas plunges into his mouth, savoring the taste of his own flavor coated all over Dean's tongue.

"Yes, loved it. Love you," Cas whimpers, pulling desperately at Dean's pants.

"Love you too, baby. Now I'm gonna fuck you. Gonna bend you over and get you nice and open for my cock. You want that?" Dean's voice is a low growl. 

He doesn't know where half the things out of his mouth are coming from, Cas is making him absolutely crazy and Dean loves every filthy second of it. 

"Yeah, do it, want it so bad. Wanna feel you inside me," Cas begs, finally touching Dean's newly freed cock.

Dean leads them over to the bed and watches as Cas hops on enthusiastically, getting on all fours and presenting his ass in the air. Dean squeezes the base of his cock, almost losing it at the sight alone.

Dean takes out the lube and a condom from his nightstand, coating his fingers with it and gearing up to touch Cas' hole. 

"Dean!" he whines, wiggling his ass impatiently.

"Okay! Just tell me if I hurt you. I literally have no idea what I'm doing."

Dean starts by massaging the outer rim, sensually playing with the puckered flesh, as he slowly dips the tip of his finger inside. Cas is already moaning, encouraging Dean to go deeper. Dean gets the urge to stick his tongue in there, suddenly eating Cas out sounds like the most amazing way to spend an entire evening. Lick him open nice and slow, teasing him for hours until he's a begging mess. Dean feels his cock ache and leak at the thought. Next time though, because right now Dean's cock is throbbing with desire to be sheathed inside that tight heat and he doesn't have the willpower to prolong it any longer than necessary.

Eventually, he works him open with up to three fingers, fucking him gently before brushing over his prostate. The sound that comes out of Cas' mouth when Dean touches that spot just right is instantly addicting. Dean wants to hear it over and over, but next time he wants it to be his cock that causes it.

"You ready?"

"God, yes."

He rolls the condom on and slicks himself up with more lube. He lines up his now glistening cock to Cas' pretty pink entrance, slowly pushing in and grabbing his hips. He buries himself inch by inch, eventually bottoming out and staying still for a moment. This is so different than being inside a woman, this is impossibly tighter, making is cock feel like it's being squeezed to death in the most euphoric way. 

He drapes his chest over Cas' back and starts to rock, slowly dragging his cock in and out while he showers the back of his neck with delicate kisses.

"You feel so incredible, baby," Dean whispers.

Cas is meeting his movements, pushing back and trying to take Dean further. True to his word, Cas is loud. Dean loves it, loves hearing the sounds of raw pleasure escape his lips. He thinks of Cas making these noises for anyone else, and a rush of horrible jealousy creeps up inside him, making his thrusts grow harder.

"You're mine, Cas. Only mine," Dean says, possessively.

"Only yours, Dean," Cas replies breathlessly.

Dean lifts himself up and leans back, gripping Cas' hip bones with a force hard enough to leave bruises. He looks down and watches in awe as his cock repeatedly disappears into Cas' body. 

"Yeah, harder, Dean!" Cas says, clearly enjoying the new pace.

"So good, so tight. Fuck!" Dean grunts.

He feels himself getting closer, his climax already about to rip through him like a tidal wave. But he doesn't want it to happen just yet, not like this.

"Wait, need to see you. Need to see those eyes," Dean says, slowing his hips to a full stop and slipping out.

Cas makes a broken whimper at the loss of fullness, but quickly flips himself over onto his back, spreading his legs wide, waiting for Dean to re-enter. Cas is absurdly beautiful, skin flushed and hair a mess, making Dean one lucky son of a bitch.

Dean slips back in easily, resetting the pace from before, green eyes never leaving the blue.

"You're so beautiful, so beyond beautiful," Dean breathes.

"Dean, I'm close," Cas warns.

"Yeah, baby, me too. You gonna come on my cock?" Dean says, voice gravelly.

"Yeah, just your cock," Cas moans louder.

That's the last thing Dean hears before Cas' ass clenches around his dick like a vice, milking the orgasm right out of him.

"Castiel!" Dean gasps his full name, hips moving erratically as he comes harder than ever before.

Cas comes untouched, spilling his release for the second time that night. "Dean, Dean, Dean," he pants, pulling him down for a kiss.

Dean kisses him back with a passion he didn't know he had, heart absolutely bursting with love for the man beneath him.

When he comes up for air, he notices that Cas is crying. Dean knows it's happy tears and kisses each one of them away, feeling some of his own begin to prickle behind his eyelids. This moment is one of true clarity and beauty, never loving each other more than right now.

Dean feels himself soften inside Cas, letting his cock slip out naturally, before rolling over and laying next to him. He takes the condom off, tossing it into the trash and grabbing a tissue to clean off Cas' stomach. He notices the clock, it's way past midnight, signifying the first day of the new year.

Dean nestles himself under Cas' arm, resting his head snugly on his warm chest. Cas holds him closely, kissing the top of his head as they tangle their legs together.

"Happy New Years, Cas."

"You too, Dean."

Dean can sense Cas' goofy smile, even if he can't see it.


	11. Heat of the Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Sabriel side of New Years Eve! Mary ships destiel and sabriel: confirmed. I know this chapter is a little ridiculous and borderline crackish, but I regret nothing. More smut!

Sam Winchester  
Age 20

Sam is happy. He's two years clean and feeling great. Some days are definitely harder than others, but then he remembers the promise he made first to himself and then to his loved ones, making it easier to persevere through the darkness and see the light. College is going really well, his grades are fantastic as always, putting him on the fast track to kicking law school in the butt.

Lately, he has another reason to add to the list of reasons why he's always smiling like an idiot. Gabriel has become so much more to him than his best friend, Sam's crushing on him harder than a cartoon character with hearts in his eyes. Gabe's been a constant in Sam's life since he was a baby, the two of them growing up extremely close, but now Sam can't help dreaming about becoming even closer. Gabriel is truly infuriating, yet somehow that's part of his appeal, often leaving Sam a little bit confused and aroused at the same time.

Sam has always found Gabe beautiful, appreciating his golden hair and warm sunshine eyes for as long as he can remember, but he continually brushed it off as a simple admiration for someone he wants to be like when he grows up. Things are so different now, his sexual attraction to Gabe is accompanied by an incredibly strong emotional attachment that goes beyond an older brother role or best friends. Sam is slowly realizing that he's falling in love with the worlds most adorable trickster.

Yesterday, Gabe invited him to go to a New Years Eve party with him, embarrassingly causing Sam's heart to race and lips to shout 'yes' before Gabe had even finished asking the question. Gabe just smirked and told him to meet at his house by nine thirty tomorrow evening.

So, after checking himself in the mirror seven hundred times and making sure that Dean promises to get his ass over to Cas to profess his undying love, Sam walks across the lawn feeling more nervous than he has in years. 

The house is crowded with all the usual suspects, all laughing and drinking and of course arguing. Deciding to wait out here with them until Gabe's done getting ready, he approaches his mother, who just got up to grab another plate of hors d'oeuvres. 

They're alone in the kitchen when Mary puts down her newly assembled plate and turns to face her younger son. "You look so handsome."

Sam leans against the fridge and crosses his arms, blushing slightly as he laughs out, "Thanks."

"So, just you and Gabriel tonight?" she continues with a smile.

_Or is that a smirk?_

"Uh, yeah. But nothing crazy! We'll be safe," Sam assures her. He hates the pain his mother went through these past couple of years, never wanting to see anything but a warm and glowing smile play across her beautiful features ever again.

"I know you will," Mary responds, closing the space between them and burrowing into her son's giant embrace.

She's so small next to him, the top of her head barley reaches the bottom of Sam's chin. Sam remembers when he was a child, she often held him like this except she was the bigger one, his ultimate protector. And now, as he holds his petite mother against his large frame, he's comforted to know that nothing's changed. He's still safe in her arms, she's still protecting him.

"Mar! You're missin' Donna Summer!" screams Becky's voice from the other room.

Mary laughs as she pulls apart from her son and reaches up high to fix his hair. "Have fun, tonight," she whispers and winks at him.

_His mother did not just wink at him._

Sam laughs nervously as she walks away, standing there like a deer in headlights and lost in thought about what that wink meant. Taking longer than usual, Sam begins to wonder where Gabe is, when suddenly a crazy notion pops into his brain. What if Gabe comes out wearing one of his outrageous costumes? Oh well, as long as it's not a clown suit Sam knows he'll dig Gabriel in any outfit.

_Or no outfit._

Ten minutes later, Gabe makes his entrance into the living room, wearing a sleek pair of beige dress pants, a forest green button down shirt, and the tackiest tie Sam has ever seen. It has a golden shimmer and is scattered with little exploding champagne bottles, yet somehow he pulls it off. Gabe looks sharp, sexy, and Sam might just be swooning.

"Hey there, kiddo, lookin' good!" Gabe says, approaching him immediately, his arms extending to straighten Sam's collar. 

"Thanks, yeah, you too. Uh, except for that tie, though. Dude, where did you get that thing?" Sam replies, failing to sound relaxed because Gabe's sneaky fingers keep 'accidentally' brushing all over his neck.

"This magnificent beast is one of a kind. Had it custom made," he says proudly, stepping even closer.

After enough teasing, Gabe finally finishes his unnecessary task. Moving his fingers lower, he pops open Sam's top button with one hand and quietly says, "That's better."

Sam swallows a lump in his throat as he gazes down at the man in front of him, a new sort of tension forming between them that has never really been there before. Chuck clears his throat from across the room and startles the two of them back to reality. 

_Oh my God. Were they really just eye fucking in front of their parents? No, they will not turn into Dean and Cas._

"So, where's the party?" Chuck asks.

"At a friend of my old professor's house, about twenty minutes away," Gabe shouts back at him, putting on his coat and grabbing the car keys. 

"Where's Cas?" Sam asks Gabe privately, wrapping himself back up in his jacket and scarf, preparing to leave.

"Sulking in his room. He left Baltha-dick yesterday, wedding's off. We all tried getting him to come out but he's a mess," Gabe explains quietly.

"Really?" Sam says happily, smiling before realizing this is not the appropriate response, a guilty expression taking over his face.

"It's okay, I'm happy deep down too," Gabe chuckles. "It's just I just hate seeing him all miserable like that." His face falls into a concerned frown.

"Dean's on his way over here soon. He's been miserable too. Like crying and looking at old photos kind of miserable," Sam says sadly.

"Please, God, let them fuck tonight," Gabe says, looking up at the ceiling and bringing his hands together in prayer sarcastically.

Sam snorts and says, "Can we go?"

"After you, jelly bean," Gabe says smoothly, opening the front door for him.

They yell goodbye to everyone from halfway out the door already. Gabe beats Sam to the car and holds the passenger door open for him, causing Sam to blurt out, "Gabe, is this a date?" the moment the two of them are seated inside.

Gabe turns his head and smiles, "Do you want it to be?"

"Yeah, actually. I would love for it to be a date," Sam says, feeling a little like a sap, but deep down he doesn't care.

"Then buckle up, Samster, 'cause you're in for one helluva night," he says devilishly, starting the car and driving towards their destination.

~

When Gabe pulls up and turns the car off, Sam thinks this is another one of his many jokes. There's no way this is the place they've been invited to because it looks like a mansion straight out of The Great Gatsby. Sam didn't know places like this even existed in Kansas, but leave it to Gabe to find and befriend the only one.

"Very funny. Now where are we really going?" Sam says, wearing his signature bitch face.

"What, you don't think I could be friends with the people who live here?" Gabe quips back at him, raising his eyebrows.

"Are you?"

"Yes. Well, not exactly friends."

"Gabe!"

"Okay, it's more of a friend of a friend of someone's crazy uncle that once knew my college professor," Gabe justifies himself with a satisfied expression.

"Look, are we allowed in there or are we about to get arrested for trespassing?" Sam says, unable to help the laugh that escapes him.

"Sammy, everything's fine! I promise. Now, let's go eat some fancy, pretentious, yet delicious food and sip on champagne like the high society douche bags that they think we are," Gabe says excitedly, giving Sam's hand a quick squeeze before bolting out of the car.

After using some of his irresistible charm, Gabe explains who they are to the intimidating man at the front door, eventually being escorted and allowed inside. Mansions like this are only real in books or movies, this has to be an illusion of some kind. There must be close to a hundred people here, all wearing classy suits or gowns. They navigate through the crowd, while admiring the ornate decor of the stranger's extravagant home. Eventually, Gabe spots a face that he recognizes, standing over by a table of exquisite looking cakes.

"Daniel!" Gabe shouts, walking over to a well dressed older looking man.

"Gabriel, my boy!" The man shouts back, greeting him with an enthusiastic bear hug.

Gabe pulls away from him and turns to Sam. "Sammy, this is Daniel, the man who taught me everything I need to know about the pastry world, and then some."

"Ah, so this is Sam! Nice to finally meet you," Daniel says, extending his hand for a shake. 

Sam smiles shyly at the insinuation that Gabe talks about him to his friends, as he grasps the man's hand and shakes it strongly. 

After the introductions are complete, the three of them hit the bar. They all talk for a long time, mostly about Gabe's new bakery and the grand opening coming up next month. Daniel has apparently helped Gabriel a great deal with getting started as a small business owner. Every so often, waiters keep popping over and offering them bite size samples of some of the most exotic dishes, everything tasting outrageous. The music is awesome too, surprisingly composed of mainly classic rock, which seems extremely out of place but Sam's not complaining. As far as first dates go, this one is pretty interesting and badass. But then again, nothing involving Gabriel could ever be boring.

Feeling a little daring, Sam asks, "So, whose house is this anyway?"

Daniel laughs heartily before answering him, "This masterpiece belongs to Bela Talbot and her late husband. He died a couple years ago and she inherited his entire estate."

"So, she lives here by herself?" Sam says, sipping a little more of his beer.

"Oh, believe me, she's never alone. Quite the little minx that one," Daniel laughs again. "Speaking of Bela, I should go find her. Haven't made my rounds yet, don't wanna be rude. You kids have fun!" Daniel says, leaving the bar and disappearing into the sea of bodies.

"I swear this whole thing still seems like a movie or something," Sam jokes, turning his attention to Gabe, who has been sitting closely on his left. 

Gabe is staring at him dreamily, his weight leaning on the bar counter using one of his elbows to hold himself up. Sam stares back at him, noticing a small tuft of his hair out of place, he automatically moves to fix it. Gabe's hair is stunning, and Sam finds that he's having more trouble restraining himself than he thought. He runs his fingers through it, playfully caressing the liquid silk, and curling some of it gently behind Gabe's ear.

"Enjoying yourself?" Gabe smirks at him.

"Sorry, it's just, you're really beautiful," Sam whispers. 

"You ain't seen nothin' yet, bucko," Gabe says mischievously, reaching for Sam's hand and bringing it to his lips.

Feeling Gabe's thin lips press warmly against his cool hand shoots electric sparks straight to his brain. But just as Sam is about to lunge forward and smash their faces together, a man's voice over a loud speaker starts blaring that it's five minutes to midnight and all guests should assemble to the foyer for the countdown.

_Seriously, a loud speaker? This is so over the top._

"Hey, barkeep! Two champagnes for me and the Mrs," Gabe signals to the bartender.

Once they have their champagne flutes in hand, they follow the mass of people headed towards the foyer. Once there, Sam notices a ridiculously sexy brunette standing at the top of a tall spiral staircase. She's wrapped in a skin tight black dress and her neck looks like it's weighed down with twenty pounds of diamonds. 

"Sixty seconds, people! Alright, just a few quick things before I allow you all to resume your debauchery. I would like to extend my greatest thanks and gratitude to all who came out to celebrate the new year with me. Please enjoy everything that I have to offer and stay as long as you'd like tonight. My home is your home!" she says with an English accent and a foxy smile. 

This must be Bela, and for some reason Sam thinks she reminds him a little bit of Catwoman. The crowd starts chanting the ten second countdown, and the building anticipation is absolutely thrilling. 

"Three, two, one, Happy New Year!" Everyone shouts in unison and without giving it a seconds thought Sam leans down to capture Gabe's lips with his own.

Gabe nearly drops his glass, responding with such intense enthusiasm. His lips hold such an immense power behind them, devouring Sam like he's the most delectable treat he's ever had. Sam can't help the giddy smile that forms, temporarily breaking the kiss.

"Not for nothing, hot shot, but your timing is pretty cliche," Gabe grins at him, clinks their glasses together and swallows the bubbly liquid in one gulp. Sam mirrors him, and discards both their empty glasses onto the nearest surface. 

Sam wastes no time pulling Gabe back in, licking up the crisp and fruity flavor of the champagne from his lips. His hands immediately return to their earlier fascination with Gabe's hair, loving the feeling of the soft waves between his fingers. Gabe opens his mouth slightly, allowing Sam to plunge his tongue inside as they press their bodies fully against one another. Gabe tastes delicious, it's as if all the copious amounts of sweets he's ever consumed has added a permanent sugary essence to his mouth.

A lot of couples kissed at midnight, but Sam and Gabe are now simply engaging in a heated make out session. Unaware of the looks they're getting, Sam pushes them out of the foyer and down into one of the less crowded corridors, their lips never parting.

"You taste unbelievable," Sam says quietly, stopping near entrance to the last door at the end of the hallway.

Gabe responds by grabbing onto Sam's shoulders and hoisting himself up, wrapping his legs tightly around Sam's waist. Sam catches him, hands tucked underneath his ass, as he surges forward and sandwiches Gabe against the opposite wall. Sam feels drunk, not on alcohol, he only had one beer and a little champagne, but drunk on everything Gabriel. Normally, Sam would never act like this in public, but for some reason he can't stop himself, desperate for the other man in every possible way.

"So, you wanna do the nasty right here in the hallway? Or you gonna use those gorgeous long legs to carry me into that fancy guest room?" Gabe pants, as Sam starts sucking on his neck.

Sam growls and licks at the fresh bruise he made, inching closer to the door. Gabe reaches and turns the handle, allowing Sam to stumble inside. After pulling and locking the door behind them, Gabe's hands find their way into Sam's hair. He pulls it lightly, causing Sam to moan loudly and deepen their kiss.

"Ooh, you like that! Want me to do it again?" Gabe asks devilishly, gripping a larger chunk of hair.

"Yeah," Sam breathes, staggering over to a small couch at the foot of the bed.

When Gabe pulls his hair harder, this time from the root, Sam's legs finally give out. He plops down and let's out a moan louder than the first time. Gabe is straddling his lap, pressing his thickening cock against Sam's groin, rocking slowly to create a perfect friction.

"Oh, Sammy, you perfect super model son of a bitch!" Gabe moans, before biting gently at Sam's lower lip. 

"Fuck, Gabe, want you so bad," Sam says, grabbing roughly at the back of his neck to hold him in place as he kisses him harder.

"Ahh, as much as I'd like to pound that pretty ass of yours straight into the mattress, I just can't stop thinking about unwrappin' that delicious Sampop you've got hiding under these damn pants and ridin' it fuckin' raw," Gabe says filthily, cupping Sam's dick and squeezing it through the fabric.

Sam's never been this turned on in his entire life, but also a little scared because his heart's never been on the line like this either. He and Jess had decided to wait to have sex, planning on doing it for the first time that night of their prom. It was gonna be special and romantic and perfect. After that blew up in flames, Sam lost his mind, finding and achieving the only physical comfort he could by hate fucking Ruby. A lot. He's never been intimate with someone he cares about, someone he loves, so that's why a sudden panic hits and causes him to tell Gabe to stop.

"Gabe, wait, stop," Sam pants, lowering his hands and pulling away. 

"Sam?" he says, sensing the unease in his voice and slowing his hips to a full stop. Gabe remains seated in Sam's lap, his concerned eyes locking with the pair in front of him. 

"I'm sorry, this is just kinda hard for me," Sam admits.

"Sammy, what's wrong? Tell me," Gabe says softly.

Sam searches his eyes and finds nothing but genuine concern, lust and arousal already fading.

"Okay. It's just that...I don't wanna be another one of your quick fucks. Gabe, I know how you are and that's fine, but I can't do it. I really care about you and-"

"Are you serious?" Gabe says, the pain in his voice obvious.

"Well, I-"

"You think that's what this is? Because nothing could be further from the truth. Sam, I haven't boinked anyone in almost two years. It's been me and old righty, jerkin' it every night to a different Sammy filled fantasy. And I'm not emotionally constipated like my brother, I love you. I'm _in_ love with you. Only reason I didn't act on it sooner was because I wanted you to take the lead. Didn't wanna push you."

Sam's on overload. His mind is swimming and his heart is bursting, he needs to say something but can't find the right words to express the many messy emotions he's feeling all at once.

"I love you too," Sam blurts out the only thing that finally comes to mind. And it's the truth. He's flooded with so many amazing and happy memories from all the different stages of their lives, filling his heart with warmth as he remembers them. He then thinks about how Gabe saved him, never gave up on him, and taught him to love himself again. 

"Oh, thank God! Had me worried for a second," Gabe sighs, and smiles at him.

"Kiss me again," Sam requests, smiling back at him.

"My pleasure," he says, before leaning forward and placing a delicate kiss on Sam's lips.

The kiss turns from chaste to heated in less than five seconds, already picking back up where they left off. The song that was playing over the speaker system ends, leaving a momentary gap of silence. The first few notes of the next song cause them both to stop, each for a different reason.

_Dude. Asia? Fuck!_

When Gabriel was twelve years old he became horrifically obsessed with the song 'Heat of the Moment' playing it nonstop for months. He carried a boom box with him everywhere, repeating it relentlessly with no regard for the suffering of those around him. He loved sneaking up on people and suddenly blast it, scaring the shit out of them. It all came to a violent end one day when Cas woke up hysterical crying one morning from a nightmare involving the song. Becky not only destroyed the cassette tape, but the whole damn boom box too, brutally smashing it on the front lawn. Gabe was banned from playing it from that day forward. Becky can be terrifying and even Gabe knew when to not push his luck.

Gabe's eyes are lighting up brighter than a Christmas tree, looking like he's about to literally pop with excitement. Sam groans and says, "Dude, I said if I ever heard this song again I'd kill myself."

"C'mon, Sammy! Let's make a new memory!" he squeals and hops off Sam's lap.

Gabe stands in front of him, beginning to sway to the beat.

_What's he planning?_

"I feel like I've been prepping for this my whole life," Gabe says, loosening his tie.

"Gabe?" Sam asks, watching him closely.

"I'm gonna strip for you, kiddo. Gonna take my clothes off for my favorite person to my favorite song," Gabe explains, grinning wickedly.

"Holy shit. But, I don't think this is really a song...you can strip to," Sam says, smiling despite himself.

"Watch me!" he says with a wink.

Knowing Gabriel, he probably was prepared for something like this, having a well choreographed routine saved to memory just incase the opportunity ever presented itself.

_I never meant to be so bad to you. One thing I said that I would never do. A look from you and I would fall from grace. And that would wipe this smile right from my face._

Gabe kicks off his shoes, and bends over to remove his socks, tossing them one by one to the side of the room. He saunters over to the corner of the room, retrieving a small wooden chair and placing it directly in front of the couch.

_Do you remember when we used to dance. And incidence arose from circumstance. One thing lead to another we were young. And we would scream together songs unsung._

He goes to fully remove his tie, but Sam surprises even himself when he husks out "Leave it on." Gabe laughs and moves on to unbutton his shirt, slowly popping open one by one.

_It was the heat of the moment. Telling me what your heart meant. The heat of the moment shone in your eyes._

He reaches the last button and let's his shirt fall completely open, rubbing his chest sensually, grazing over his perky nipples. Sam feels his erection growing again, resisting the urge to palm himself through his pants. Gabriel is extremely captivating, his confidence definitely part of his sex appeal, luring Sam in with his fluid movements.

_And now you find yourself in eighty two. The disco hot spots hold no charm for you. You can't concern yourself with bigger things. You catch the pearl and ride the dragon's wings._

Gabe shimmies his shoulders and let's the shirt drop to the floor, hands continuing down his body he begins to work open his belt. He guides it through the loops agonizingly slow, before unhooking the button and sliding down the zipper.

_'Cause it's the heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. The heat of the moment. Shone in your eyes._

He seductively wiggles his hips, allowing his slacks to fall lower and lower, revealing something that makes Sam gasp and grab at the painful bulge in his own pants. Gabriel's wearing friggin' panties. Beautiful white silk, with a golden trim made of lace and a matching gold bow at the center. These skimpy panties show all of his muscles and curves just right, making Sam very aware of what a major kink he has for this, secretly hoping that Gabe has thousands of other pairs.

"Jesus, fuck, Gabe!" Sam whines, fully rubbing himself now.

"Like 'em?" He says, fully stepping out of his pants and kicking them away.

_And when your looks are gone and you're alone. How many nights you sit beside the phone. What were the things you wanted for yourself. Teenage ambition you remember well._

He touches the soft looking silk surrounding his hard cock, using the chair as his toy. He straddles it and drapes himself all over it, coming up with a couple of unique positions to entertain his viewer.

"Take your cock out, Sammy. Touch yourself for me," Gabe orders, starting to stroke himself and grind on the chair.

_It was the heat of the moment. Telling me what your heart meant. The heat of the moment shone in your eyes._

Sam does what he's told, quickly unzipping himself and freeing his cock. Spreading his legs wide, he watches with arousal as the man he loves puts on the sexiest show he's ever seen.

Gabe turns around and bends over, presenting his perfectly fit, tight ass. Sam's pulse quickens as Gabe playfully massages his round cheeks, slapping a firm hand down on himself. Next, he slowly pulls the hem of the golden lace downward, letting the top of his crack peep out, before quickly covering himself back up, teasing Sam mercilessly.

_It was the heat of the moment. The heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. Shone in your eyes._

When Gabe turns back around, Sam notices the dark wet spot that now stains the front of his pearly white lingerie. He drops to the floor during the long instrumental break, lying on his back and thrusting his hips up and down. Gabe's huge cock is leaking generously, and it's driving Sam nuts. He needs to touch him, taste him, fuck him, anything except continue to sit here by himself.

"Get over here," Sam grunts, ripping his own pants and shirt off in record timing before sitting back down.

Gabe rolls over onto his stomach and begins crawling over seductively, stopping when his head is only inches from Sam's throbbing dick. He licks a long wet stripe up the shaft, causing Sam to hiss and drop his head back against the couch cushion.

_Heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. Heat of the moment._

Gabe rises up off the floor and jumps back into Sam's naked lap. Clasping his hand around Sam's cock, he strokes is evenly while kissing his lips passionately.

"I take it all back! Forget what I said before, this song is amazing. You're amazing. Fuck! That was so hot!" Sam pants.

"Need you to fuck me now, Sammycakes. Need to ride that cock," Gabe moans.

"Lube?"

"In my pants pocket, I'll get it," Gabe says, standing up to retrieve it.

He discards the tie and underwear before settling back down, both of them fully nude against one another. Their cocks brush together, tantalizing their over sensitive nerves, causing a fiery sensation to erupt throughout Sam's body.

"Gonna fuck myself on your fingers first," Gabe whispers, nipping at Sam's earlobe.

"Fuck yeah," Sam agrees, coating his fingers with a large amount of lube and moving to place one at his entrance.

"Do it, Sammy, slip your finger inside me. Want it so bad,"

Sam starts to lovingly rub at the pucker, massaging his hole into state of relaxation, before breaching him and sinking into that welcoming heat.

One turns into two more, eventually Gabe is stretched open enough to sit on three of Sam's slick fingers. Once Gabe begins whining that he's ready, Sam quickly slathers up his cock and aligns it at his entrance.

Sam feels Gabe lower himself slowly, enveloping his cock into that scorching tightness. Gabe takes his cock all the way to the base, while whimpering in pleasure and laying kisses along his jawline.

"Feels so good, Sammy. You like the way my ass feels around you? Want me to move?" Gabe breathes, squeezing his muscles deliciously.

"Yeah, f-fuck, Gabe, but I'm not gonna last long," Sam chokes out.

"S'okay, me neither. Your cock feels too good, gonna come so hard for you," Gabe replies, rising up and down slowly until his body adapts, allowing him to pick up the pace.

"Like the way I'm ridin' your sugar stick, Sammy? Tell me how good it feels, wanna hear you say it," Gabe begs as he bounces up and down increasingly faster, practically wailing in ecstasy with every drag of Sam's thick length.

"Feels- Fuck, I- Ga!" Sam stutters, taking a deep breath and trying to regain some of his composure in an effort to get the words out. He fails.

_Did he just say sugar stick?_

Sam roughly grabs onto Gabe's hips and fucks him down even harder, moaning at the filthy sounds of their skin slapping together. Gabe throws his head back, exposing his neck, showing off the marks Sam painted all over him. 

"You're so gorgeous. Wanna come with you," Gabe says, delirious with lust.

Incredibly close to coming, Sam coils his fingers around Gabe's cock, pumping him in time with each time he slams down. He barely makes it through five strokes before Gabe is screaming and seizing up with pleasure.

"SAM!" Gabe cries out, ass tightening and cock pulsing potently with creamy white stripes that land between them. 

Seeing and feeling Gabe's climax, puts Sam over the edge. He spills his release inside the man above him and revels in the best orgasm he's ever had. Sam's never had another man's come on him before, loving the hot feeling of how it coats his hand and parts of his chest. Suddenly, he gets the urge to taste it, so as his pace calms, he brings his sticky hand up to his lips.

Sam sticks his tongue out and laps up a large portion into his mouth, watching as Gabe's eyes widen and stare at him intensely. Their gazes remain transfixed on one another as Sam licks himself clean, moaning again at the taste.

"Taste so good. Next time want you to come right in my mouth," Sam slurs, high on whatever it is Gabriel does to him.

"Son of a bitch," Gabe says brokenly, leaning forward to capture his lips and share in the tasting of their love.

Sam can feel himself beginning to soften inside Gabe and shivers at the feeling of his come dripping out of him.

"Let's get cleaned up," Sam suggests, pecking his lips one last time before searching for something to use.

Gabe reaches over to the end table next to the couch they've been sitting on and grabs a rather expensive looking doily to do the deed.

"That's so wrong," Sam laughs as Gabe lifts himself up and wipes his ass with it.

"Ehh, I'm sure Bela would understand. What was that she said about her home being our home?" he replies friskily, tossing it to the ground and grabbing a second one off the opposite table to clean off their chests.

"Come with me," Gabe demands, holing out his hand.

Sam looks at him quizzically, but takes his hand anyway. Gabe leads them over to the bed and lays down, rumpling up the covers and patting his hand down for Sam to join him.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't we go?" Sam proposes, looking at his watch. 

"Wanna cuddle," Gabe admits in a small voice.

"Mr. Hugh Hefner wants to cuddle? Am I hearing this right?" Sam says, laughing as a shocked yet satisfied smirk grows on his face.

"Only with you," Gabe says with a cheesy smile.

Sam crawls under the blankets and pulls Gabe towards him. His skin is warm and soft and melts perfectly against his own. 

"Thanks for tonight, this was amazing," Sam says, pausing to kiss Gabe's forehead. "Actually, thanks for everything you've done for me my whole life. You're like my guardian angel or something," Sam continues.

"As for tonight, we're not nearly done yet, big boy," he replies suggestively, lifting his head to make eye contact. "And as for the rest, I don't know if I've ever been described as an _angel,_ but I'll be damn sure to always watch out for you. Love you, Sammy."

"Love you too, Gabe. And Happy New Year."

"Oh, it certainly is!" Gabe says, already pouncing on top of him again.


	12. Carry On Wayward Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endings are hard. But then again, it doesn't have to be the end, might eventually write more in this verse at some point :) Super sappy chapter, what can I say, I'm a sucker for weddings! Also, some quick smut made its way in there ;D Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoyed it!

Dean Winchester  
Age 26

So much has happened in the last two years, life flying past them much faster than Dean cares to admit. But he's never been happier in his life, feeling fulfilled by Cas' love and content with the knowledge that they made it. Some days he's still haunted by the fact that things almost went horribly wrong, grateful for the final push Sam gave him, ultimately resulting in them getting their heads out of their asses. On those tougher days, they make love a little more desperately, but Cas grounds him and holds Dean together, tenderly reassuring him with and without words. 

About a year ago they decided to rent their own apartment, unable to fully enjoy themselves with their parents in the next room. Truth be told, they still spend most of their spare time in the old neighborhood, whether it's the Novak, Winchester, or Singer house, the new apartment just doesn't feel like home.

However, waking up next to Cas every morning will never get old. Dean almost always wakes up first, taking advantage of this time to simply admire the man he loves for a few uninterrupted minutes. Dean loves the peaceful way he sleeps so heavily, watching closely as the first morning light dances across his face. 

He knows from the countless sleepovers they've had throughout their lives that Cas hates being woken up. When they were as young as only eight years old, if Gabe wasn't around to alarmingly wake them up with some marching band freak show, Dean loved to wake Cas up nicely. He would gently caress his cheek or run his fingers lightly through his hair, whispering his name softly until his eyes peeked open. Cas would instantly smile upon seeing him and yawn "Good morning, Dean." Again, now that he thinks back to it, how could he not realize how in love they were? Most friends don't act like that.

Now that they sleep together every night, Dean continues this tradition with one new addition, he gets to kiss him. Some mornings they kiss lazily, touching each other until their both coming, lovingly gasping each other's names. While other times, they're more playful, Dean attacking him with tickles once he's fully awake and dodging Cas' pillow throwing retaliation.

Sam and Gabe are now a disgustingly public love fest, always kissing and crawling all over each other. Dean can't say he's surprised by their union, but he is a little weirded out that they all got together on the same night. It's something that has become almost a running joke, mostly to mess with John. Unlike the rest of the family, he'd been the only one completely unaware that both of his children are gay for the boys next door. Once John found out on that New Years Day, Dean remembers very clearly how he turned to Chuck and said "So, I guess we raised 'em right." To which Chuck replied "Damn right!" causing the room to erupt in a somewhat relieved laughter, allowing the party to continue well into the night.

Gabe's bakery took off with a huge success, and just as he predicted all those years ago, Dean is definitely his number one customer. He stops in there almost every night after work, ordering coffees for him and Cas, along with a slice of pie to go.

One weekend last August, Dean and Cas went on a trip to the West Coast, planning on spending some relaxing time together at the beach. It resulted in some of the best sex they ever had. Nothing beats sunset sex by the water with the love of your life.

That was the night he asked Cas to marry him, and what a difference from the way he reacted the first time someone proposed to him. It was _that_ smile. The one Dean witnessed when Chuck and Becky bought him his first harp. There have been many similar smiles like it in between of course, but none like the original one, the one that oozes with pure wonder and raw joy. Dean had always desired to be the one to put that smile back on Cas' face, curious as to how it would feel, and now he knows, it's the best feeling in the world.

Dean remembers laying in the sand, sliding the ring on his finger as they promise to be one another's forever. The proposal wasn't fancy or planned out, there was no audience, it was just them. Together and happy. Although no stone could ever compare to the color of Cas' eyes, Dean did his damnedest to try and find one. The pretty blue gem lay encrusted in a simple platinum band, wrapping perfectly around Cas' porcelain skin.

When they returned home from their trip and told the family about their engagement, Gabriel immediately started planning the bachelor party. New York City, booze, strippers, sure it all sounded so great at the time.

_Yeah, no._

What actually happened was a Dean got into a bar fight with a couple of homophobes, breaking his nose and arm in the process. Sam vomited three times, once all over Gabe, then again in the limo, and finally in the hotel bathtub where he slept. Gabe had accidentally picked up some prostitutes, not strippers, and narrowly avoided being murdered by their pimp. And Cas nearly got run over by a taxi in Times Square. The four of them try not speak about that drunken shit show of a night. 

~

It's now the day of their wedding, a gorgeous Sunday in May, much like the one on the day they moved here twenty one years ago. They hold a quiet and humble ceremony in the Winchester's back yard, with only the immediate family present. 

Sam and Gabe are their best men, glued to their sides as Dean and Cas stand before the justice of the peace. Dean can't believe it but Cas actually looks more beautiful than usual, he looks truly angelic, practically glowing in the sunlight. He wears a navy blue tie under his light gray suit, Dean matching him in every aspect except his tie is a dark green. Normally, Dean hates wearing a monkey suit, but today it feels awesome to be dressed up and looking fresh. 

Gabe had argued with them up until just two days ago, wanting to wear a purple pinstripe train wreck of a suit, shouting about how it's 'burgundy not purple!' He also decided to spend a fortune and buy Sam a pure white tuxedo, that he absolutely begged him to try on. After days of torture, Sam relented, suiting up and putting on a fashion show. Dean's not gonna lie, the kid looked sharp, but something about it freaked him out, it wasn't Sammy. After a screaming match with Becky, Mary, and Cas, Gabe finally agreed to wear the matching gray suits. They let him wear a purple tie, and let Sam pick his own color. He went with amber. 

Dean tells himself he won't cry, but once Cas says his vows Dean loses it. Literally everyone cries. Even John curses as a single man tear slips out. They're all such huge saps, but Dean only loves them more for it, so grateful for his amazing support system. Cas gives him a ring of his own and Dean loves it, a thick yet simple silver band. Once they both say 'I do', Dean leans forward, kissing the lips he swears were created perfectly to fit his own.

The party moves to a reception hall not far from their house. The rest of the invited guests are already there when they arrive. There would be plenty of time to greet everyone later, because first Dean and Cas are supposed to make their big entrance and share their first dance. They stand together behind the entry door and Dean finds himself, for the millionth time in his life, just gawking at Cas.

_He looks so fuckin' hot right now._

Dean is faced with the hardest dilemma of his life. He wants all this crap to be over so he can get Cas to that hotel room and worship him. He's absolutely dying to make love to him for the first time as his husband. But on the other hand, nothing in the world seems worse than rushing this next big milestone of their lives. He wants to savor every laugh, every tear, every smile, every single moment of their special day.

"You ready to go out there?" Dean asks, standing in front of him and lacing their fingers together.

"No," Cas pouts. 

"And why's that?" Dean says, smiling and rubbing his thumb over the shiny ring. Pouty Cas is always so adorable.

"Dad just told me that Uncle Zach and the rest of those idiots decided to show up anyway. Their RSVP said no, Dean! Now there might not be enough food or seats and it's just so typical of them. I really didn't want them here anyway and now I have to pretend to be happy to see them. I'm so afraid one of them is gonna say something rude or inappropriate to one of our guests, or God forbid they say anything horrible to you. I'll freak out! Not today!" Cas rants, trying to wiggle away from Dean's grip.

"You done?" Dean asks, unable to suppress the laugh that comes out.

"This isn't funny, Dean!"

"Yes it is. You're being a groomzilla."

"No I'm not-- A what?"

"Nevermind. Anyway, calm down. Baby, we just got married! Your fucked up family could set this friggin' building on fire right now and I wouldn't get upset. None of that bullshit can squash my happiness today, because today I'm the luckiest guy on the planet. I married my best friend. And I know that at the end of the night, no matter what happens at this damn party, I get to leave here and fuck my beautiful, sexy, husband til he _begs_ me to finally let him come. I get to suck on his delicious cock and work his pretty hole open nice and wide for me," Dean whispers the last few parts directly into Cas' ear.

"Dean," Cas gasps, involuntarily squeezing their hands together as his body tenses up.

"You ready now?" Dean says, kissing his cheek.

"That's not fair," Cas growls, moving Dean's hand to the feel growing bulge in his pants.

"That's not the answer to my question," Dean replies cockily, loving the effect his words had on him.

"Then I guess my answer is still no. No, I'm not ready to go out there. What I'm ready for is to get on my knees and suck your dick in that bathroom over there," Cas says quietly, pushing them towards said bathroom.

_This is such a great bad idea._

Cas shoves Dean inside and locks the door, dropping down in front of him fast and eager.

"Cas, they're gonna come looking for us. Like really soon," Dean says, helping Cas open his pants.

"Don't care. Need you now," Cas says determinedly.

"I love you so goddamn much," Dean groans, as Cas devours him in one warm, wet movement.

"Look at you down there, so pretty for me on our wedding day," Dean moans, hands messing up the naturally wild hair Becky had tried so desperately to tame earlier.

"Baby, take your cock out. Touch yourself while you suck me," Dean tells him, wanting to watch Cas come just as much as he wanted to himself.

Cas quickly opens his fly and begins stroking himself to the rhythm of his mouth. He's moaning loudly around the shaft, causing the most pleasurable vibrations that almost make Dean lose his balance.

"Gonna come in your mouth and then we're gonna go greet your fuckin' asshole cousins. They'll never even know, Cas. Never know that when you're kissin' them on the cheek, your lips'll be coated with my come."

"Fuck, Dean!"

"C'mon, my angel, s-so close. Want you to come with me," Dean pants, feeling that intense heat pool deep inside him, warning him of his impending orgasm.

"Now, Dean, ahhh," Cas moans loudly, shooting his load on the floor between Dean's legs.

Watching Cas get off, combined with the filthy way he's practically deep throating his cock makes Dean come frantically hard into his more than willing mouth.

After Cas finishes swallowing everything Dean gives him, he stands up and grabs a paper towel. After using it to clean off the tip of his dick and tucking himself back in, he throws it down on the floor to wipe up the mess he made.

Dean stands there in shock for a moment, before cleaning himself up as well. 

"That was crazy," Dean says, backing Cas up against the wall.

"You make me crazy," Cas replies, pulling on Dean's hips to press their bodies together.

"Your hair is so fucked," Dean chuckles, kissing him. He licks up the taste of himself, feeling his spent cock already attempting to give a possessive twitch.

"Dean?" Sam's voice calls through the door.

"Can you two rabbits keep it in your pants for five friggin' minutes? We're trying to have a wedding reception out here!" Gabe shouts ridiculously loud, probably secretly hoping that people would hear him.

"Gabe! They're probably just freshening up," Sam defends them.

_Bless his precious soul._

"So, are you ready now?" Dean says, playfully kissing his entire face.

"Yes!" Cas laughs, pushing Dean off him and heading for the door.

When they open the door, Sam and Gabe are waiting right there for them, eyes scanning them intently.

"Oh, I like what you've done with Cassie's hair, Deano! Looks much fresher!" Gabe says in a chipper voice, while giving Sam a smug glance.

"Oh, come on! I defended you!" Sam whines, giving Dean an exasperated look.

"Sorry, Sammy, husbandly duties called, and who am I to ignore my responsibilities?" Dean says, taking Cas' hand and beginning to walk back over to the main hall entrance.

"Ugh, Dean, Becky is legit flipping out! Do you know the kind of damage control we had to do? You owe us for like ever," Sam complains, following them.

"Much appreciated, little brother. I'll be sure to return the favor when you two idiots disappear for probably twice as long on your wedding day," Dean grins at him.

"He's right, Sam, let it go. We need that favor! Can I get that in writing?" Gabe says quickly, pretending to pull out a fake pen and paper.

"Enough!" Cas says, his face growing slightly impatient, but not really annoyed. "Gabe, can you tell the DJ we're finally ready?" He asks him.

"Sure thing, your highness," Gabe replies, bowing sarcastically before leaving to complete his task and disappearing from sight.

"Hey, Sammy, keep your eyes peeled! Can't trust 'em! They're like sex ninjas!" Gabe shouts, popping his head back from around the corner.

"Dick," Dean says under his breath, causing the three of them to shake their heads and laugh.

~

Following only seconds behind Sam and Gabe, Dean and Cas finally make their grand appearance. Everyone applauds and whistles as they walk out onto the dance floor to a few verses of Thin Lizzy's 'The Boys are Back in Town', preparing to christen it with the first dance of the evening. 

Before long, the music fades out and changes, beginning to play a recorded version of their song. Cas had never stopped perfecting it over the years, even when he was with Balthazar, he'd secretly never stopped practicing. 

Dean places his hands on Cas' hips and pulls him in, loving how naturally the other man's hands move to rest on his shoulders, their bodies molding together like one being. Dean touches his forehead to Cas' and begins to sway, a fuzzy smile on his face.

"This is so surreal," Dean whispers to him.

"What is?"

"Getting to hold you in front of everyone we know, dancing with you to our song, being able to call you my husband. All of it."

"I know. It's perfect."

Dean grazes his lips delicately over Cas', loving the way these light and tiny kisses can send his heart thumping into overtime just as much as their open mouthed sloppy ones. He can still taste some of the saltiness from before on Cas' bottom lip, driving Dean insane with desire again. He controls himself and breaks the kiss, a sudden question popping into his mind.

"So, I think it's finally time you tell me. I've been pretty damn patient for, let's see, twelve years," he says, staring deeply into his soulful eyes.

"Tell you what?" Cas teases him, know if fully well what Dean means.

"Baby, what's the name of this song?" Dean gives in and asks outright.

"Oh, that!" He says smiling, eyes crinkling at the edges.

"Castiel, please," Dean begs, feeding his ego.

"I'd Rather Have You," he whispers.

Dean smiles warmly at the implication of the words, no matter what, Cas accepts him, as is. It's exactly how Dean feels about him as well. In fact, Dean wishes that _he_ said the words to him first. Thinking back to little Cas naming the song ages ago, already hopelessly in love with Dean, playing it for him for the first time on Christmas Eve. Dean remembers how he cried listening to it, so unaware of what his feelings were trying to scream at him. 

"Wow, that's just as sappy as I thought it'd be," Dean jokes, smiling wider.

"You're such a...an assbutt!" Cas laughs.

"I'm sorry, did you just say 'assbutt'?" Dean says, raising his eyebrows in amusement.

"I only speak the truth," he replies, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Dean's neck.

"I'm kidding, it's perfect. I love it so much. Love you so much," Dean caves, copying Cas' movements and heaving Cas' hips even closer. "Mr. Winchester" Dean adds before kissing him deeply, not caring about any protests of public displays of affection.

"Love you too, Dean," Cas breathes into his mouth.

He hears multiple voices whooping and catcalling, causing Dean to smile so wide he's forced to stop kissing him. The song ends and Mary joins them on the dance floor, beaming at the two of them. Next song on the playlist is 'Hey, Jude', the song her and Dean are scheduled to dance to.

"Mind if I steal him for a song, sweetie?" She asks, eyes brimming with happy tears.

"Of course not," Cas says, stepping back.

Before he can walk away, Mary scoops Cas up into her arms, hugging her honorary son and kissing his cheek sweetly. Cas smiles over her shoulder, looking at Dean as he relaxes against her. Dean's heart aches dangerously while watching the two of them together. When she pulls away and turns to Dean, her beautiful blue eyes are still wet with liquid emotion. Cas walks away, heading towards Chuck and Becky at the edge of the floor. 

They get in position and sway to the beat of the song she used to sing as a lullaby to him as a baby. 

"I'm so happy," She says softly.

"Me too," Dean chokes out.

"Today reminds me so much of the day we moved here," Mary says dreamily.

"I remember a little bit of it, I know it was really sunny and you took us next door for the first time."

"Yeah. I think about that day a lot, Dean. You know what was the first thing you said to me after we left their house?"

Dean thinks about it for a minute, but comes up blank. "No, what?"

"That you were gonna marry Castiel," Mary laughs, wiping away a stray tear. "You said his eyes are magic and he makes good pie! I'll never forget those words!" Her pretty face lighting up with more laughter.

"What! No way, really?" Dean blushes furiously as he joins her in the laughter.

"I swear, ask Becky! We talked about it the next day."

"I guess five year old me knew what he wanted better than adult me."

"Oh, Dean, it was so precious. And I'd say it looks as if adult you got it together pretty well."

"Yeah, guess so," Dean says, glancing over at Cas across the room. Dean laughs to himself when he notices Becky trying to flatten the fluffy mess on top of Cas' head. 

Once the 'Na Na Na Na' portion of the song starts, more guests start flooding all around them, coupling off and dancing to the beat.

The rest of the evening continues on extremely well, the New York Novaks are behaving themselves. Mostly. Dean almost spits out his drink when he sees Cas place an actual kiss on Luke's cheek, rather than the polite family face bump. When Cas turns to makes eye contact with Dean they both immediately crack up and run away like giggling children, leaving Luke confused and annoyed.

_This is why marrying your best friend is friggin' awesome!_

The music arrangement is fantastic, all classic rock, but the food is even better. Dean eats like a starving animal, putting the myth that you never really get to enjoy the food at your own wedding to rest. They have a traditional looking layered cake, but Cas had insisted that there must be pie too. 

Dean _really_ loves this man.

The night is starting to wind down, the dance floor nearly empty while everyone digests their desert. Dean and Cas are sitting together at their table, sharing one last piece of pie. Gabe approaches them, practically skipping, his typical mischievous smile etched onto his face. He's definitely planning something. He's literally hiding something behind his back.

_Doesn't he ever get tired?_

"Hey, little love birds!"

"Gabe, what's that face for?" Dean asks, before allowing Cas to feed him a large chunk of pie.

"What's behind your back?" Cas says warily, trying to reach his neck around to see better.

"Okay, so I know you've already said no thirty seven times, but-"

"No," Dean and Cas say at the same time. Dean doesn't even know what it is, but it's probably safer to just say no. He moans loudly at the heavenly taste, swallowing and opening his mouth for the next bite.

"Wow, I'm deeply hurt. You guys won't even hear me out. This is the thanks I get for being Best Man?" Gabe says, feigning offense dramatically.

At that moment Sam walks up behind him and grabs what he's been hiding, revealing a very colorful, gaudy bouquet of flowers. "These for me?" 

"Gabriel! For the last time, I'm not throwing a stupid bouquet!" Cas says, wiping off a piece of pie crust from the corner of Dean's mouth with his thumb.

"Why's this so important, anyway? You've been harping on this for weeks more annoyingly than usual," Dean asks, sticking his tongue out, licking the crumbs back up off Cas' finger playfully.

"Ugh, could you guys be any grosser?" Sam says, watching the pie eating disgrace.

"C'mon, its tradition!" Gabe says defensively.

Dean and Cas ignore him, moving on to the next bite.

"Gabe, you don't have to catch a bunch of silly flowers for me to want to marry you," Sam says, barely paying attention to the ridiculous conversation. He's too distracted by the horrifying way Dean is now smearing apple goop onto Cas' bottom lip and kissing it off him.

"What? Um, but-" Gabe stammers, all traces of his smirk gone. It's so rare to see him lose composure like this.

"That's what this about right?" Sam asks, finally tearing his eyes away from the scarring fork sucking event taking place in front of them, to look directly at Gabe. 

"Wait, you really wanna marry me?" Gabe says skeptically, smile returning rapidly.

"Of course," Sam says happily, dropping the bouquet on the table and stepping closer to him. 

"Did you guys just get engaged?" Cas asks, momentarily coming up for air.

"Yeah, I think we did," Sam says with a big dopey grin.

"HELLS yeah, we did!" Gabe shouts, pulling Sam's tie forward and capturing his lips.

"Congratulations, you weirdos," Dean laughs, finishing up the last sliver and smacking his lips. 

Sam breaks the kiss and says "You still wanna catch the damn flowers, don't you?"

"Oh, my God, yes," Gabe sighs, slapping Sam's ass before running across the dance floor.

Sam quickly picks up the bouquet again, before hurrying off to throw it himself, laughing heartily.

"Who gets engaged like that?" Cas wonders aloud, as the two of them watch Sam hurl the flowers backwards over his head.

They both burst out hysterically when Gabe dives spastically and misses Sam's horrendous throw. 

~

Dean, Cas and the rest of the family conclude the last few minutes of the party out on the dance floor, using the last bits of all their energy to rock out to Kansas' classic anthem. Dean takes a moment to glance around the room, closely studying the all the people he loves most in the world, determined to remember every detail. He thinks about all the hardship they've endured and smiles when he realizes how truly at peace they are now. Their hearts could finally rest easy knowing that the painful tears were behind them and only happiness remained ahead.

_Carry on my wayward son_  
There'll be peace when you are done  
Lay your weary head to rest  
Don't you cry no more 


End file.
